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A man wise beyond his years (I mean I think he was about 30 at the time, but knew a lot about mechanical engineering and crappy old cars) once told me he had a theory that the better the fuel economy, the higher the long term maintenance costs (we're talking super long term here though, 20 year old cars often).
Best fuel economy you can get, outside of a PHEV (expensive battery!), is with a diesel. But diesels are more complex to maintain (usually require expensive injectors after 200k-300k km, EGR and DPF can lead to issues, etc) and rare in the US. Then non-plugin hybrids mildly outperform non-hybrid engines, but it's not by THAT much and also the batteries are kinda expensive. Plenty of older Lexus and Toyota owners have had to replace theirs one or more times by now. Also you guys don't have a lot of diesels in the US, since fuel is almost free there.
IF you can get something with a diesel engine made by a German company that isn't VW/Audi, it's pretty economical and usually fairly reliable (avoid N47 and N57 BMW engines, that generation was bad). But I imagine with two young children, you don't want to be wrenching away in your spare time, and German cars need to be self-maintained unless you're loaded.
But consider this: How much of a difference does fuel economy REALLY make? The amount may not be as big as you'd think. Personally I think you're better off getting a car you enjoy and ignore the fuel economy unless you drive all day every day. My current diesel Audi takes 3 liters per 100 km more than it really should on the highway, but it's a ton of fun, spacious, and can go off road well enough (A6 C6 Allroad). 33 highway MPG is HORRENDOUS for a vehicle like this, the BMW and Mercedes equivalents with RWD were capable of 50-60 highway MPG if babied. But Quattro is just something else in the snow, it's a ton of fun. And the real difference to me in terms of fuel economy is like 50 or 60 euros a month, maybe 100 for a busy month.