Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
- Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
- Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
- Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
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- Please tag NSFW topics.
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This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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I think I would be considered more gynosexual. But I've only been romantically attracted to feminine minds. And physically attracted to feminine features which is heightened by a feminine smell. I can actually tell when a woman is pregnant by the effect their smell has on me.
You just don't know what it will be like ... a lot of my attraction to women shifted over time ... it turns out being a repressed woman made me react to women with a kind of obsessive reverence that diminished once I became a woman - but the changes were not a complete reversal into only wanting to date men ....
I know some trans women feel more like women when they date straight men, and that's a real psychology, but even though I'm bi and now attracted to men, and I would feel validation as a woman by dating a straight man, I still wouldn't do that (even if I were single).
Like you I just love and trust women, I could see sex with men but a relationship would probably be harder to make happen. Even with my most sensitive queer male friends I struggle in the friendship in ways I don't with women - I'm just not cut out to date men, I want too much emotional intimacy and feel too much like a lesbian if that makes sense ๐
Anyway, you should talk to your partner, getting lost about the details of sexuality changes on HRT misses the most important part, which is that they are feeling vulnerable and insecure, and reminding them that you will love them regardless of how your sexuality shifts could be helpful.
edit: (and in my experience, you might feel vulnerable and scared of losing her, too, as you transition - my partner is pan and very supportive of my transition, but I still felt scared and vulnerable when I transitioned, they are huge changes and it makes sense both people might worry the relationship could be impacted or romantic interest might not be the same as it was, etc. - I certainly became a very different sexual partner, but in the end it worked for my spouse and she is very happy with my transition)
edit2: also might be worth exploring why it matters to your partner whether you experience attraction to men, I keep forgetting how common it is for cis straight people to have misconceptions about gender and sexuality, she might fear your gender stuff is actually repressed homosexuality, it's also possible she doesn't believe bisexuality is real and that if you experience attraction to men that you will really be a gay man rather than a bi woman - might be worth getting clarity on what the beliefs and concerns are on her end.
I expected the same, but I felt the opposite when I was dating my last boyfriend. When people saw us, they didn't see our queerness. And I absolutely hated that loss of queerness. I had spent a lifetime repressing it, then even after I came out, it still took me time to accept my own queerness. Eventually, I did, and I found power and joy in it. Then I started dating this guy, and just like that, it was invisible to pretty much everyone. It felt like stepping out of one closet and in to another. The second closet was more comfortable than the first, but it was still a closet, and I didn't want to be in it.
that's pretty interesting - I guess being in the closet as a trans woman made me appear to be in a cis-het relationship with a woman, so I could totally understand feeling some ick around going back to that ... but I am still too stuck in the pragmatism of passing as cis (and relatedly as straight) - I don't like looking queer or being perceived as queer (and I don't generally feel a belonging to the queer community - though I try anyway, lol)
my hang-ups / struggles are probably from self-loathing and internalized transphobia as well as just more practical considerations about not enjoying the discrimination that I experience when perceived as queer (and the fear of violence, etc.)
all this to say, I like the closet, thank you ๐
She's bisexual. But she's been spending too much time on Reddit. I wouldn't say I look at women with any sort of reverence. More a sort of insatiable hunger. A bit like the way a fat kid looks at an all-you-can-eat cake buffet.
honestly that sounds a bit dismissive, reddit isn't the problem here, you should talk to her about what her actual fears and concerns are - she's seeking our reddit content to confirm her fears and it might help to talk to her and reassure her
also couples counseling is a good idea, it helps create space for discussing and exploring these kinds of things which helps
and yeah, I doubt your attraction to women will disappear with estrogen, even if I think you should be prepared for the possibility of changes to the way you experience that attraction
estrogen made me much less receptive to visuals and more turned on by context, if that makes sense
That makes sense. Thanks