this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2025
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[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 78 points 1 week ago (9 children)

I feel like we just need to make the most absurdist fucking bets at this point.

like that actually Barron is Putins kid and that Trump has a micropenis and one ball

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

The fucked up penis to fascist pipeline is real

Trump, Musk and Epstein are all reported to have gross and/or disfigured penises. I am not making this up.

[–] Dragonstaff@leminal.space 0 points 5 days ago (1 children)

It's an unverifiable rumor that someone has probably claimed about every famous male since Napoleon. You're not making it up, it was made up years ago.

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 5 days ago

It was literally in court depositions.

Im putting money on Trump coming out as bi just so he can enter the history books as the first LGBT president... And then hide behind LGBT to protect him against any and all criticism.

[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 58 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Personally, I'm floating the theory that Trump was involved with both Hilary and Bill for a period of time. When Hilary broke it off, Don was heartbroken, causing his reflexive swing to the right to counter her perceived leftness. This theory is strengthened by his inability to let go of anything she does, he still blames her for the loss of his only true emotional connection, and it's also why his wife always looks so distant. She knows that he still longs for those balmy 90s nights where the boys wore nothing but a power tie and a saxophone and Hilary, her signature suit.

Sorry.

[–] bufalo1973@piefed.social 8 points 1 week ago

Or maybe Hillary made Bill cut with Donald and that's why he hates her.

[–] Lemmyoutofhere@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 week ago

Hillary emailed the pics to Putin because she was jealous.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 3 points 1 week ago

He didn't fuck Hillary. He ain't bangin' no old broad.

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Donald has only got one ball
Bannon has two but very small
Miller has something similar
And Johnson, he has none at all

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

very well adapted. it still scans. six thumbs up

McConnell has four or five, I guess,
No one's quite sure 'bout J D Vance,
Rowling's always yowling, (yeah i dunno about this line, but i couldn't think of another rhyme)
But poor old Hegseth has no balls at all.

[–] hoshikarakitaridia@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I would easily be making so many jokes on this but I genuinely can't do that knowing how many victims there are and how they don't get justice or help.

[–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 week ago

There are no victims in this. Only 2 presidents making sweet, sweet oral sex.

[–] dumbass@piefed.social 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

We find out through some means that Musk's father is actually Pol Pot.

[–] morphballganon@mtgzone.com 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Nah Barron is way too tall to be Vladi's kid

The rest of that, however, is entirely plausible and not absurdist at all

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

He gets it from his tall mom. Jane Lynch. Don't shoot the messenger!

[–] lemmylommy@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

one ball

Like Hitler?

[–] halvar@lemy.lol 4 points 1 week ago

Trump has only got one ball Vance has two but oh so small Rubio is rather sim'lar But poor old Bondi has no balls at all