Was wondering what people think about the label "lesbian" and what it means, and who should or shouldn't use it.
There was someone on Bluesky who was upset when they learned I sometimes identify as a lesbian because I'm a woman in a long term relationship with a woman, even though I'm technically bisexual. (I've only ever dated women, would only ever want to date women.)
They said I was appropriating the label "lesbian", that I was lesbophobic, and that I was communicating that it's shameful to be bisexual. (For clarity, I don't hide that I'm bi, I will identify that way in some contexts, and in others I will identify as a lesbian - usually I identify as lesbian around straight people, and among LGBT+ folks I'm more likely to identify as bi or communicate more about my sexuality; tbh it doesn't come up much, and my sexual orientation not a big part of how I like to identify).
I tend to think a label like "lesbian" communicates a sexual or romantic relationship between two women, so I'm surprised to interact with someone who was so rigid about the label that it cannot apply to someone who is even capable of opposite-sex attraction ...
I'm not sure I would ever date a man, so sometimes "lesbian" or "sapphic" are labels that feel more accurate to who I am than a term like bisexual, which implies more openness than I actually have. It's also irrelevant for me since I'm in a long-term monogamous relationship with a woman, from the perspective of others in my life, I have been and will continue to be a lesbian ...
I just wonder where the rigidity comes from, and why the person thought I was lesbophobic. I wasn't able to ask her or learn about her perspective, so I was hoping someone would help me understand wtf just happened, lol
the terms we use to describe ourselves are exactly that, descriptive, not prescriptive. nobody gets to tell you your gender, your orientation, your identity but you. you are the only person who gets to tell others who you are, and if other people disagree with you then thats their problem not yours.
queerness is such a unique and personal experience that no two people will experience it the same way, and it helps to communicate some basics, but nobody is ever the perfect picturesque shining example of lesbian, or gay, or straight, or whatever. some people want rigid definitions for words, and sure there are plenty of times when that kind of thinking can be helpful. but people are so much more complex than labels.
besides most of these labels and such were created long ago and have changed in meaning so much, our understanding of sexuality is so much more broad than they were even 20 years ago, and i think that we need to keep pushing those boundaries and explore what it truly means to be queer. go do controversial things, inspire others to be themselves, dont take shit from anybody, own it girl <3