Polyamory

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A community for discussion of Polyamory as well as other Ethical Non-Monogamy styles.

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Discussions around Polyamory specifically, or Ethical Non-Monogamy in general only.
Don't be a dick.
NSFW content is allowed in discussion (i.e. talking about sex is fine) but pornographic images are not.

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Crackhappy@lemmy.world

submitted 2 months ago by Zeke@fedia.io to c/polyamory@lemmy.world

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So I'm completely new to this and this is a recent self discovery, but I've been in a monogamous relationship for 18 years. I was married to him for 11 of those years, but a couple years ago, I started feeling trapped and was starting to fall for other people and we just stopped getting along for a while so I decided I wanted to call it off both for his sake and mine. I learned a lot about myself in the time we were separated and I'm still learning. We got divorced and then, after some time, I started falling for him again because we had both been working on ourselves and we were still on good terms, but now I have a problem. I'm falling for another guy while also loving my current partner. My current partner knows because I opened up to him about it, but he doesn't want me to pursue anyone else. He wants to stay monogamous and I understand that he's scared, but I feel like I've got a hole in my life. I love my partner, I love this life I have, but I have so much more to give and I wanna share this life with another. I don't really know what to do or how to stop feeling this way

(Update) I won't be responding to this anymore. I got a few helpful responses, but I'm tired of the people who think the worst of me for loving 2 people. Thank you to those who did help

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[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The moment you decided that you couldn't handle being in a monogamous relationship with this man and broke it up is when you ended your relationship with this man.

There is no going back, if you are poly and he isn't then this isn't going to work. Period.

Leave him alone.

[–] Zeke@fedia.io -4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

@SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world The break up wasn't about this. It was about not being able to communicate and losing ourselves after years of being together. I don't appreciate the harsh tone of your comment.

[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It sure sounds like it was because you wanted someone else.

I started feeling trapped and was starting to fall for other people and we just stopped getting along for a while so I decided I wanted to call it off both for his sake and mine.

If that's not what happened then tell it like it happened.

[–] Zeke@fedia.io 0 points 2 months ago (1 children)

@SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world There's a lot more to it than that. We both had our own issues that we weren't talking about or confronting. It got to a point where neither of us really cared and were just going through motions and snapping at each other. I also, at the time, couldn't give him what he needed. I felt inadequate and had to figure things out for myself. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted and he admits that he felt the same. We know communicate more openly than we ever really had. I hadn't put the poly puzzle together until recently

[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

I think you're focusing a lot on your perspective and not his.

Is he poly? If he isn't, then he probably isn't ok with the idea of sharing his partner.