this post was submitted on 27 Oct 2025
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Polyamory

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So I'm completely new to this and this is a recent self discovery, but I've been in a monogamous relationship for 18 years. I was married to him for 11 of those years, but a couple years ago, I (fedia.io)
submitted 2 months ago by Zeke@fedia.io to c/polyamory@lemmy.world
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So I'm completely new to this and this is a recent self discovery, but I've been in a monogamous relationship for 18 years. I was married to him for 11 of those years, but a couple years ago, I started feeling trapped and was starting to fall for other people and we just stopped getting along for a while so I decided I wanted to call it off both for his sake and mine. I learned a lot about myself in the time we were separated and I'm still learning. We got divorced and then, after some time, I started falling for him again because we had both been working on ourselves and we were still on good terms, but now I have a problem. I'm falling for another guy while also loving my current partner. My current partner knows because I opened up to him about it, but he doesn't want me to pursue anyone else. He wants to stay monogamous and I understand that he's scared, but I feel like I've got a hole in my life. I love my partner, I love this life I have, but I have so much more to give and I wanna share this life with another. I don't really know what to do or how to stop feeling this way

(Update) I won't be responding to this anymore. I got a few helpful responses, but I'm tired of the people who think the worst of me for loving 2 people. Thank you to those who did help

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[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It sure sounds like it was because you wanted someone else.

I started feeling trapped and was starting to fall for other people and we just stopped getting along for a while so I decided I wanted to call it off both for his sake and mine.

If that's not what happened then tell it like it happened.

[–] Zeke@fedia.io 0 points 2 months ago (1 children)

@SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world There's a lot more to it than that. We both had our own issues that we weren't talking about or confronting. It got to a point where neither of us really cared and were just going through motions and snapping at each other. I also, at the time, couldn't give him what he needed. I felt inadequate and had to figure things out for myself. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted and he admits that he felt the same. We know communicate more openly than we ever really had. I hadn't put the poly puzzle together until recently

[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

I think you're focusing a lot on your perspective and not his.

Is he poly? If he isn't, then he probably isn't ok with the idea of sharing his partner.