this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2025
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Man insisting he is an ‘Alpha Male’ seems awfully keen to follow the lead of other men on the Internet (newsthump.com)
submitted 1 month ago by MHLoppy@fedia.io to c/theonion@sh.itjust.works
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Local man and self-proclaimed “alpha male” Simon Williams, 35, was today spotted scrolling through his phone to double-check what Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson, and whichever shirtless ‘manosphere coach’ just went viral on TikTok would like him to do next.

Despite declaring himself a lone wolf who “bows to no one,” Simon appears to have constructed his entire personality out of recycled advice barked at him by other men online, including how to sit, how to eat steak, and the correct facial expression to wear while pretending to own a Bugatti.

“He keeps saying he’s an independent leader of men,” said a friend, “but then he’ll excuse himself mid-conversation to watch a YouTube short of a cigar-chomping influencer explaining the correct way to dominate a handshake. [...]

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[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

A bow is same as a bend. Both present accessible portals for pleasure and both present inherent risk to the target's safety. This guy appears to be presenting both portals to his masters