this post was submitted on 01 Jul 2025
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I suspect that ordinary avenues for meeting friends in one's 30's is also available for meeting partners, only you have to acknowledge that most of the people you meet aren't going to be single/interested.
I'm an extrovert. I talk to strangers in certain settings, especially where waiting around is normal. One of my best friends, I met in line waiting to get into a standup comedy show. I've met other friends in line for concerts and sporting events, too. I've also met friends sitting at the bar or some kind of communal table of a restaurant, and connected over the food itself. It just takes the boldness of asking for contact information and then texting "it was nice to meet you today, great talking to you" and then sometimes that becomes a friendship.
But pure strangers are hard to connect with in one interaction. Most of the friends I made after 30 were from repeated interactions over time: neighbors you see regularly, other regulars at the dog park/coffee shop, etc.
And once you're in a mode where you can make friends, if some of them happen to be single and compatible, maybe you try going out on a date.
And yes, this means that sometimes you'll meet people at the gym, or at their place of work, or other circumstances where it's frowned upon to hit on strangers. But making the friendship bridge first can give you that read on the situation of whether they're actually open to dating.
Interesting.
Is it just that younger people experience more social anxiety or that it's now frowned upon to be hit on? I used to be hit on a lot between the ages of 19 and 25; it felt gross sometimes but it was the norm. There seems to be more anxiety these days to meet people face to face. I wonder if social media has anything to do with it.
It's frowned upon to hit on someone who doesn't have an exit from the situation: a customer talking to a retail/hospitality worker whose job includes not pissing off customers, colleagues who need to continue working with each other (or worse, a superior-subordinate relationship), etc.
I don't know what 20-somethings are doing these days, but navigating that transition from school to young independent adulthood was something difficult every generation had to do. It's just that this generation may have had their social skills development stilted during COVID or the smartphone era so that they're less equipped to make that jump, and that gap is leaving a greater proportion of that population behind.