this post was submitted on 08 May 2025
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He should go on vacation with the CEO of Nestlé and publicly endorse single-use plastics.
You mean like a vacation visiting the Titanic?
While that would be entertaining, remember that Vance seems to destroy everything he's associated with. If we keep him around we can reuse him. Lunch with Putin → Ukraine war is over. He joins the board of a for-profit prison company → the USA outlaws slavery. He does a photo op in a coal plant → the USA go 100% renewable. All plausible outcomes.
This thanatotic Midas touch of his has great potential if used wisely.
If we can control it, that is. His mere presence might cause the United States to descend into a degree of senseless bloodshed that Games Workshop would call over the top so perhaps safe disposal might be in the best interest of humanity...
No, we can harness this power. I can! I... I just need a little time to learn. A compassionate, yet firm, hand to wield the Vance. A scalpel to excise the rot... yes, I have the vision, the will. The fortitude to bear the weight of this responsibility upon my shoulders! If not me, then who? If not now, then when?! No mere Atlas am I, crushed beneath the world's weight.
With the power of the Vance, I shall bear the world...forward.