this post was submitted on 07 Apr 2025
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women ought to have a signal that they are open to being approached, like a PvP flag or something
The thing is, there are signals - open body language, frequent glances around the room, etc.
The tougher bit for some folks is also seeing, and respecting, when they clearly want you to go away, AND not taking it personally. They may want someone to approach them, but for whatever reason not you. That's perfectly OK, and says nothing about your general worth, just their interest at the moment.
Go, initiate contact, and if you're getting one word replies, crossed arms/body facing away from you, refusal to meet eyes, inauthentic laughs, etc., exit cheerfully, move on with your day and let her move on with hers.
The biggest problem I've had women tell me about is not being approached, but guys not taking the hint if it's not clicking and leaving them be. Be the guy who reads the situation, takes the hint if present and doesn't get all fucked up about it, and you'll probably end up talking to someone who does want to talk to you later.
Should note this is often just human stuff, and holds for a lot of guys as well with the caveat that they're often, though not always, more direct.
Reading minds isn't a "signal"
I'm sorry but if men and women want equality in their relationships then women need to stop this middle-school behavior.
If you don't mind me asking, how is this reading minds? This is watching for behavioural cues, which lend some evidence of interest/disinterest. Men exhibit similar cues as well - think about the guy sitting at the bar, facing the interior with a grin looking about, versus the guy hunched over with a scowl counting the bubbles in his beer. Unless you're moved by pathos to clink scowling guy's glass, who seems more approachable?
Will admit there are folks who see a single behavioural cue and immediately jump to "They want to jump my bones"/"They wish me and my family were dead", which is dumb. What I'm talking about is more "Oh, looks like they may be open to chat with someone, go say hi", then noting if that impression stays or dissipates on fresh evidence. Again, the biggest problem I've heard of is people, but particularly women approached by men in a social setting, not wanting to tell the approaching party to fuck off (politely or otherwise) because of a perceived or real threat of violence. But this feeling often comes across pretty clearly in body language - if you're a decent person, reading those cues and and exiting gracefully just makes sense.
Discounting non-verbal cues in IRL communication is silly. We give out a lot of information about how we're feeling with our bodies to those paying attention. I'll admit it can sound kinda creepy when writing it all out, but for some folks this is all intuitive. For other folks, thinking about this a bit helps with being more at ease in talking with new people, whether platonically or with an eye to something more.
Adults use their words to communicate.
Children play games.
This is going to come off terribly, but do you talk to many people IRL? There's no game here, just humans being humans.
That said, perhaps not your preferred types of humans, which is perfectly fine. If anything, not engaging people the way I describe here could be a filter for the kind of people you prefer to interact with. Really isn't anything wrong with that, though others may find it a bit constrictive.
If what you're doing makes you happy and secure in your relationships with people, then more power to you!
No why the fuck would I talk to random people?
And yes, charades is a game, it's not flirting.
People don't want to be approached in public unless they are boomers or older.
Maybe you should ease up on giving advice and making proclamations on how to talk to random people then
That is how you talk to people.
You don't unless they make it clear they want to be bothered.
Sure if you are in a bar or a club that's expected, but anywhere else please ffs don't approach women.
What is how you talk to people?
Also I'm not sure how to square "unless they make it clear they want to be bothered" with your rejection of body language and subtlety.
If a woman wants to talk to you they will.
Don't try to fuck women in public.
Don't approach them.
It's as simple as that.
No one is saying to try to fuck women in public