this post was submitted on 21 Mar 2025
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Men's Liberation

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago

Dads also described feeling a lack of agency and fearful of voicing their own preferences and needs, which is referred to as being a passenger parent.

Yeah. Sometimes we play a supporting role. Recovering from pregnancy and birth is hard on mom, so we step up. Our preferences take a back seat for a while.

There's a legit question about splitting work fairly. Negotiating that can be difficult. I didn't see a discussion of that in the article.

Andy deals with his dad guilt by trying to find ways to be an active and productive parent.

"Things like getting the next load of washing ready or cleaning up the dishes while my partner is trying to get Frances into bed," he explains.

This gets to the work splitting. If you feel guilty, and you're sitting on the couch, find something to do.

It's fair to say that we don't prepare people for parenting. Our society isn't great with those kinds of role models and archetypes. But asking your spouse what needs to be done, or taking over some of their responsibilities is doable for most of us.