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[CW] I think I've hit the end of my rope (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I first tried to kill myself in 2000, and writing about it of course resulted in another fucking award from Columbia.

My drug dealer broke into my apartment, found my phone, called everyone he'd ever heard me talk about, and then finally 911. I'd been thorough.

At that point, it was merely personal problems; we now have systemic ones.

I'm still crashing with a friend but return to the marginally movable trash can tomorrow.

I don't know what I'm looking for by posting. I just know "not this" is where I'm at in life, and one can only spend so much time with the crisis line.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I hope you are able to get to a much more comfortable place in life.

One thing that I try to remind myself of is that nothing is permanent, and things can turn around for the better. But I know that when we're in the moment, it doesn't feel that way

I've appreciated your contributions to beehaw, but I hope that they aren't causing you more stress. Please take care of yourself!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Thanks! I need someone to save me at this point. We don't get to choose that timing.