this post was submitted on 10 Mar 2025
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Met cool people at a queer event last Saturday. Tried to keep in touch but I had a panic attack when I went to message one of them and it put me off trying again for several days. Couldn't sleep for a few days so that made it worse. Finally managed to text the one I really wanted to talk to but I guess I took too long because they never replied. I don't feel like I can ever be around people.
I guess I'm still recovering from leaving my old friend group. Not bad people, but neurodivergent in a way I'm too socially incompetent for. Yesterday I flubbed my words and accidentally expressed the wrong sentiment, and I immediately felt the panic wash over me, because last time I did that, I caused a friend to have a nervous breakdown and start like... rewriting his childhood memories to match what I accidentally said, since it contradicted his lived experience.
Friendship is so high stakes, I always feel like if I say the wrong thing I'm going to ruin someone's life. I hate being lonely but I don't know how people can stand it.
I think maybe you've figured this out already, but that really is more about the other person than it is about you. I guess we really can't say without knowing all the details, but I can't imagine anything you would have said that would justify that response. You need friends that go to therapy. lol