this post was submitted on 02 Aug 2026
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Trans Memes
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A place to post memes relating to the transgender experience.
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The thing that helps more than anything else, for me at least, is to spend a lot of time in a community where everyone is invested in getting pronouns right -- because it can be hard if you're doing it all on your own, against the current, so to speak.
Luckily for me my workplace has gradually become such a place, where we used to never volunteer our preferred genders, to now where the norm is to introduce yourself with your name and pronouns if you're comfortable, put them on name-tags, and we all try to help each other remember people's pronouns.
It's the main reason I ever sought out trans spaces: people dear to me coming out and me wanting to learn how to... I guess the most honest way to put it, at the time, was "deal with that". I can't say I was particularly understanding or supportive, initially, but I didn't wanna be an ass to people I care about and figured it'd help me be respectful, at least.
It helped a great deal, not just with learning to be respectful, supportive and just accepting things I don't understand or can't relate to, but also with reflecting on my own identity and experience.
My workplace is like this too! There have been a couple times employees have been disciplined, even fired for a pattern of using the wrong pronouns or deadnames. And not just once. Once is a mistake, these people were doubling and tripling down. Idk where they got those people, but it's always a pleasure when the trash takes itself out!
HR software, though, especially Microsoft products, are fucking terrible at managing name changes and pronouns.
A few months ago I had to work one-on-one with a colleague in another department who I hadn't met yet. I ended up (unknowingly) addressing them by their deadname because that's what was showing for me in MS Teams. I was absolutely mortified, and apologized profusely as soon as I realized my mistake. My co-worker was very understanding but sadly this was mostly because it had happened to them multiple times already.
Turns out a bunch of us had (and continue to have) this "display" issue where a wrong name or image is shown, and the only "solutions" are to have all employees simultaneously delete hidden local caches and hope for the best, which is absolutely ridiculous, or just wait indefinitely, do nothing, and the data will magically sort itself out somehow. MS, true to form, claim that their perfect software, sculpted by the hand of God himself, is "working as designed" and that these things are not a big deal.
It took months to get the person's name change fully propagated everywhere. Somehow, their deadname STILL randomly pops up from time to time, like it's being pulled from some unknown stale DB copy that didn't get the changes, or stale cached data is flowing back into a DB somehow? Either way, a database containing employee data which is supposedly an authoritative store of truth, and mostly a collection of short strings, is not supposed to work like that, right? Since it's Microsoft, though, they can just ignore the issue, gaslight us, and continue getting away with causing humiliation. ADP as well is not far behind when it comes to data handling competence.
Nota bene: A similar issue is when people have only one name. I had a coworker who was in the system as "Fnu [her one and only name]". "Fnu" is not her name. It's a hack meaning "First Name Unknown" by a system that mandates a first name and a last name.
Thanks for taking the time to write all this out! I haven't been exposed to most of it but one of my non binary friends told me that it took forever and was a complicated mess to get a work email without their dead name (they go by their last name now, so ended up getting initials where the first name would go as a stopgap). I def. still saw their deadname pop up from place to place. And the high up supervisor, god bless him, tried and tried to get their name and pronouns right but he'd sometimes slip up if we was thinking hard about something else. But to his credit he fully committed to learning pronouns and names for everyone and really led by example.