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That's NOT "how life just is as a man". Friendships and other relationships are not static, they are either maintained or not. Yes it's an uphill battle because we aren't socialized for this, and we all have hangups and internalized fears around being vulnerable, or saying the wrong things when people are in a bad place. But that's how you get true connections built on trust that can withstand life changes instead of fair-weather friendships that last only as long as it's easy.
Nihilistic doomer takes don't help anyone, they just drive some people into an incel / blackpill mindset where they are the perpetual victim. And that's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Your take here is the nihilistic doomer take.
Life isn't a choice between two extremes. Most folks lives are not incel, nor are they 'true friendship' they are in the middle, living ordinary boring life, rather than one of the hyperbolic choices you have presented here. Nor do people sit around 'maintaining' relationships, they just... have them or don't.
You def spend way too much time reading self help crap online, chasing some platonic ideal of relationships in your head, and thinking the only alternative to that is being an incel or something?
Life is way more boring than any of that dude. Most relationships are 100% built on convenience or a sense of social obligation. People stop being friends when they feel it is inconvenient or there is no sense of obligation to sustain things anymore. And that's fine. There is no 'true eternal friendship' anymore than there is 'true love'. It's a idealized fantasy, just like incel beliefs.
These are personal experiences that I had to learn and try to put into action in my life, and it has helped a lot especially as someone who's struggled to be a social person at all for many years.
And nowhere did I say it's a choice between two extremes. I said resilient relationships take work. That's not an extreme, it's nudging things into a healthier direction over time. When you just let things happen without putting in any work, it's no surprise things shake out the way you say. But that's not a given, it's a choice.
why would i be in a relationship if it took work? work takes work. relationships are supposed to be enjoyable and fun, like hobby.
again, you sound like you have internalized way too much self-help therapy stuff. ordinry folks don't approach life that way.
i have relationships, but i would not classify any of them as 'work'. when they become 'work' it means it's time to stop interacting with that person.