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Is it common after a breakup to lose every mutual friend you had? (lemmy.ca)

submitted 1 day ago by rabber@lemmy.ca to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

61 comments fedilink hide all child comments

A year ago I broke up with my gf of 8 years after finding out she cheated on me and had been for a long time.

I quite literally have zero friends remaining at this point. Every single mutual friend has stayed friends with her and completely ghosted me. I can only suspect I've been slandered and that's why nobody wants anything to do with me anymore. I tried going to local shows as that was my community but it's completely sucked the fun out of things because it's a small city and there's always eyes on me from different corners of the room like I've done something wrong and I don't feel welcome anymore. So I've just stopped attending concerts which used to be my safe space. Standing by myself watching the band while people stare a hole in the side of my head isn't exactly enjoyable.

My lived experience has now taught me that 90% of people are cheaters, liars, and thieves, and while I know that's not reality, it's fundamentally changed the way I approach friendships. I don't open up to people anymore because I don't trust anyone anymore.

I don't think or care about my ex but the friends who ghosted me still cause daily intrusive thoughts. I don't know why I've been abandoned. No closure and no way to defend myself. I never expected how much more it hurts to lose friends than it does to lose a partner.

I miss my friends but they've proven they don't care about me so when they inevitably reach out to me there's no way I'll be able to forgive.

Probably I need to go back to therapy again but just curious if anyone has experienced similar.

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[–] AskewLord@piefed.social 1 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

why would i be in a relationship if it took work? work takes work. relationships are supposed to be enjoyable and fun, like hobby.

again, you sound like you have internalized way too much self-help therapy stuff. ordinry folks don't approach life that way.

i have relationships, but i would not classify any of them as 'work'. when they become 'work' it means it's time to stop interacting with that person.