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Is it common after a breakup to lose every mutual friend you had? (lemmy.ca)

submitted 1 day ago by rabber@lemmy.ca to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

61 comments fedilink hide all child comments

A year ago I broke up with my gf of 8 years after finding out she cheated on me and had been for a long time.

I quite literally have zero friends remaining at this point. Every single mutual friend has stayed friends with her and completely ghosted me. I can only suspect I've been slandered and that's why nobody wants anything to do with me anymore. I tried going to local shows as that was my community but it's completely sucked the fun out of things because it's a small city and there's always eyes on me from different corners of the room like I've done something wrong and I don't feel welcome anymore. So I've just stopped attending concerts which used to be my safe space. Standing by myself watching the band while people stare a hole in the side of my head isn't exactly enjoyable.

My lived experience has now taught me that 90% of people are cheaters, liars, and thieves, and while I know that's not reality, it's fundamentally changed the way I approach friendships. I don't open up to people anymore because I don't trust anyone anymore.

I don't think or care about my ex but the friends who ghosted me still cause daily intrusive thoughts. I don't know why I've been abandoned. No closure and no way to defend myself. I never expected how much more it hurts to lose friends than it does to lose a partner.

I miss my friends but they've proven they don't care about me so when they inevitably reach out to me there's no way I'll be able to forgive.

Probably I need to go back to therapy again but just curious if anyone has experienced similar.

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[–] helpImTrappedOnline@lemmy.world 4 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Ah, so it's the consequence free "soft-murder" woman hold over men now.

Yell rape and ruin a guys life. Even if they manage proof innocence, their life is fucked. The woman can even go on to say she was lying about the whole thing, but that doesn't "undo" anything. Unfortualty this often leads to suicide, which why I call it "soft-murder". On that note, you are not alone, if you're having suicide thoughts, get help!!!

I'm sorry OP, this really sucks for you. Frankly, in the long term, you're probably better off moving far away and starting new. And if people start asking questions why you don't seem to have many past ties - crazy ex spread life ruining lies, and you were forced to leave. It's better people have your story before they inevitably "find out".

The "Me too" movement turned from exposing monsters into a power grab. It really sucks, all they're doing is planting seeds of doubt when actual victims need help. "Was she really rapped or did they have a bad fight and she's just spreading lies as revenge". That is not helpful to anyone.

[–] AskewLord@piefed.social 1 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

it's not necessarily consequence free. i knew a couple of ladies who got fucked by their false rape accusations. it does happen.

however, the consequences are typically rare and only bite them in the ass after multiple accusations or escalations that involve the legal system.

further there are edge cases where people delusion convince themselves of abuse/rape after the fact because it gives them a 'get out of jail free' card in their own heads of the shame/guilt they feel. and on the flip side, i have had newer partners try to convince me my old partners were abusers as a way to elevate their own status with me, etc.

people do all sorts of crazy/toxic stuff when it comes to sex and relationships, that is rarely discussed because it makes folks uncomfortable. lots of crazy manipulative stuff that goes on in relationships and sex is normalized or excused.