this post was submitted on 26 May 2026
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I can't help that Gold's Gym only paid me $25/hour for one hour per week. But it also meant a free gym membership to every Gold's in Northern Virginia & Washington DC so I spent every waking minute of every day enjoying all those gyms. And I didn't have a car. I was biking all around Northern Virginia and Washington DC to get to all these gyms. It was beautiful & the healthiest I've ever been in my life but bittersweet & maddeningly lonely, only exercise endorphins kept me sane. Then the Autumn rains began and biking became uncomfortable & demoralizing, then the winter snows commenced and biking became impossible. So I had to start walking & running to the gyms.
Exercise was my passion & my joy & my antidepressant, and without endless exercise all day I would spiral into depression. Even at night when I got home after all that I would go running a few miles around the neighborhood before taking a shower and being able to fall asleep. That winter I hit rock bottom and internet people suggested I look into my veterans benefits since I am a military veteran. So I was able to get into the VA Medical Care system, was hospitalized for severe depression, and they've been taking care of me ever since then.
I guess the exercise stopped your brain from thinking and that's why it felt good. Sometimes physical pain is much easier than emotional pain.
What do you do in the medical care system now?
Currently in the waiting room for dermatology appointment because my post-op breast cancer scars aren't healing properly.
And any day now my prescription driving glasses should be ready to pickup at the eye care building.
And the psychiatrist & I have been at an impasse since 2022 because she refuses to prescribe me vyvanse although it's the only medication I've ever taken that makes me feel normal.
So unmedicated, I get hospitalized occasionally to prevent killing myself.
Meanwhile physical therapists have come in clutch helping me through my excruciating lordosis & medial epicondylitis & bone spurs/ bursitis in my shoulders.
Sounds like you are playing life on hard mode. Hang in there. I've had periods of life when it's been difficult but it got a lot better. Sometimes random events happen, you meet someone, and things feel better.
Uhh glad you got in the VA system but I think you don't just need a new psychiatrist, you need a new country. Which of course is easier said than done.
Believe me I've thought of going to Mexico to get Vyvanse but I need to be sure the source is reputable & safe. I have no idea how to navigate all that madness so in the meantime continue life on hard mode.
Ah tbh I was hinting that you should live in a country with a better healthcare system than the US if you have so many issues. But like I said, easier said than done unfortunately.
Personally I've tried Concerta and Elvanse (same as Vyanse) and the latter helps me keep concentration, but it doesn't help me take control of WHAT I concentrate on. Which is why I've written 1000 word essays on shitposts on Elvanse while I was supposed to work. Concerta did basically nothing. Glad to hear Vyanse helped you more, personally I'm not even sure what to try next, if anything. I'm the idiot paying way too much for a psychiatrist in a country with universal healthcare, but that gives me access to psychiatrists who are actually interested in modern developments in their specialty, don't immediately consider you a drug addict for wanting to try ADHD meds (yes, I'm diagnosed, otherwise they wouldn't prescribe it to me), and usually have available timeslots in a week or 2 at most when I'm scheduling an appointment. My current one is about 35 years old and it's important with ADHD because the 60-70 year old ones will literally tell you that you're just looking for amphetamine and go get laid(if you're a man with any issues whatsoever)/have children(if you're a woman with depression for an example)/whatever because that will solve all your problems. I'm not kidding either.
Does the VA only give you access to that one psychiatrist or are there others you could see about your issues? I'm not American (only visited once), but I've known people that lived there and I... happen to know how some people have gotten better healthcare through, well, omitting some facts in eligibility checks.
Does the VA only give you access to that one psychiatrist
Yes in my current location I am stuck with this one psychiatrist. She has several psychiatrists working under her, and I always get assigned a new doctor among those people, but before they're allowed to approve the Vyvanse they have to pass it by her first, and she tells them NO even if they were about to approve it. She has been the bane of my existence for 4 years. I even left for 2 years and came back and she's still here and hasn't forgotten her grudge against me.
She's like the doctors you describe, she's decided in her own head that ADHD medications are invariably dangerous and she treats me like I'm a rabid drug-seeker and there's no way I can make it any more clear to her that I've literally never even tried or wanted to try or seek any drugs whatsoever in my entire life. I've literally never drank alcohol, I've never smoked anything, I've never taken a pill that wasn't prescribed to me, I don't even drink caffeine unless I have a rare occasion I really need a nootropic, I use it rarely because the tolerance builds up too quickly. And I even had her call my previous doctor on the phone, the doctor who originally prescribed me Vyvanse 15 years ago on the other side of the country 🤦🏼♀️ There is just no getting through to this lady, so my last 4 years of laziness & dread & unproductivity & confusion & worthlessness...I dedicate all that despair to HER.
Ah, you were a don't-stick-your-dick-in-crazy.
Jackass
lol whatever.
Reverse the genders and tell me how women would treat that guy.
If a man was addicted to exercise because it's his antidepressant? And he didn't know how to talk to women because he was too busy exercising? Women wouldn't have a chance to treat that guy in any way at all because he's too busy.
Oh now it's don't have time/know how? I thought it was "too poor."
Yup, that's still a factor too. And hey, while we're on the topic, some other task I was working on today made me review my yearly total net incomes, and the most I've ever earned in one year was $36,824, and that was in 2024. Which of course means I earned even less than that last year. I often wonder how the hell I've been surviving. See? It doesn't matter how sexy & horny someone is if they're poor & introverted & alone all the time 😭