I'm making this post on a throwaway anonymous account because I want to ask something about how my mind works that I'm deeply ashamed of, and I want to hear honest opinions of other people's perspective - probably mostly men but ofc anyone is welcome to answer. I'm obviously a man, in my late 20's.
It's about seeing attractive people in public. I'm talking about seeing girls but I guess it applies to anyone you're attracted to.
I know I'm not supposed to stare but I can't help it. Little glances when I think they're not looking, looking at their bum or chest or face or legs. I will change my walking route to innocently walk past them and steal another look. If they're nearby it's like they occupy my mind and I have to keep looking, and I keep thinking about them and picturing them nude and imagining putting my hands on them. Never interacting, never saying anything, never openly staring, but just internally in my head.
tbh it's not even just attractive girls, it's basically all girls. If any girl has walked past me in the street or the store or on a bus, I have almost certainly checked her out. When I'm driving my head will turn away from the road to look at a girl on the sidewalk as I pass. I went to the beach this weekend and I couldn't keep my eyes in front of me because of all of the girls in bikinis, and some of them undoubtedly noticed me looking.
It's like I'm constantly scoping out everyone in my vicinity at all times, and always looking at their boobs and bums semi-consciously, and I can't really stop. I know it's horrible and creepy, and it probably makes them uncomfortable, but I kind of let it happen anyway. And I can't even say why really.. it's not like I get pleasure from looking at them, or that I'm looking for someone who I could approach or anything. There's literally no reason for it. It's just this passive activity that my brain automatically does to all girls at all times. And.. I will pick a different route to walk along a more busy street just because I know there will be more girls to look at.
When a guy walks past I probably couldn't tell you what he was wearing, or his hairstyle, or what he looks like. I don't notice. But when a girl walks past I notice all the details of her appearance, her body shape, her boobs in particular, her hair and face. I'm kinda disgusted by this aspect of my mind.
Obviously I know people find other people attractive and check people out. But.. is it this constant for everyone? Are you unable to keep your eyes and mind away when someone attractive walks past? Does looking at others' bodies constantly occupy your mind when you're in public? Or am I just so starved that it's broken my brain? Is this internal obsession with girls' bodies just what it's like to be a straight guy.. or am I different??
A piece of advice I've missed here:
Being interested in girls it's nothing weird. But the thing I think you really want is to get to know them better. The only way to do that is to talk to them. That way you even get to look at them a bit longer (focus on the eyes).
I'm not a hero at this and learned it at way a later age than yourself. And it takes a bit of courage to do. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
And the more comfortable about talking to women you get, the more confident you become, and that makes you more attractive than any set of biceps or perfect abs.
So get training! Get some talking points and go out there and try talking. You might think you fail a vile of times, but the thing is you don't, really. Generally people like attention and if you fumble your words a bit clumsily you might actually be attractive (Hugh Grant built a career on that).
So set yourself some targets and don't give up until your cringe weans off, it will happen and you'll feel better about yourself.
And maybe, but this may absolutely not be your main goal, but just maybe you might even get to look at them in greater detail than you'd ever bargain for. But the main thing is being genuinely interested in them as a person.