Ask Lemmy

...

Hey Ryder [ASHE]

Shut up. [RYDER]

You already made that joke earlier lol [ASHE]

Don't care. [RYDER]

Okay anyways we're an OSDD/DDNOS-1b system, which means dissociation IS the package babeyyyy, also watch this [ASHE]

[SCOTTIE]

We've actually done quite extensive study on OSDD, DID and C-PTSD, and are definitely qualified to answer in detail. We just so happen to be planning on majoring in neuroscience, and dissociative mechanics are a core interest.

Firstly, dissociation refers to three types: Depersonalisation, derealisation, and amnesia. They all involve the NMDA receptor (antagonism, or blocking of activity), which is a target for substances like ketamine. Note that derealisation is merely a subset of dissociation.

Now, each type in detail.

You're witnessing depersonalisation whenever actions/thoughts no longer feel like yours, or you feel like an observer of yourself. This is the foundation of plurality--like ours. This is our ability to switch between headmates/alters/parts of us. It's also why we insisted for a long time that our past self was "dead", out of shame. This is so ingrained into our experience that it defines our identity (or mine, whenever I become the singular "Rudy"--which is a capability). This is the most common form of dissociation we experience, and it is in part by choice by us/me--a form of self-expression.

Derealisation is the separation of you from the world around you. This is the famous "reality behind a screen" effect that so many describe. Now, to avoid getting into excessive detail, let's just say our mind is.. atypical, and derealisation has minimal effect (we lack time dilation/compression even on substantial doses of ketamine, LSD or salvia divinorum). Swirling blurs, sense of scale/perspective becoming distorted, objects appearing to move, even memory replays are all the effect of you beginning to observe your mind rather than your surroundings, and is how you go to "headspace", "internal imaginary worlds", or "behind reality". Whenever derealisation occurs, we freeze, begin fixating on a point, don't blink, and the mind goes largely quiet. It's possible to think and register what's happening around, but it isn't always possible to move--even when we desperately want to. We feel a little separated from the body, and emotional blunting is prominent.

Lastly, amnesia. Indeed, we encounter this as well--even without having DID. For simplicity's sake, we're referring only to dissociative amnesia. Amnesia is compartmentalisation of memory into different regions of the brain. In DID, this is how headmates hold separate memories--depersonalisation and amnesia. In systems like ours, it's how one of our two "subsystems" (a collection of headmates under the complete singular system) are able to create a "vault" of memories that we can't access. Our executive controller, Ambrosia, has a vault that she insists we cannot access as revealing the memory would compromise our stability, and it's therefore necessary to do so in the presence of a therapist. We have absolutely no idea what's in there, and it's so well secured we don't even know the triggers. All we know is that following Ambrosia just slightly opening the vault, we could feel creeping darkness, our skin crawling, and a deep set feeling of anxiety. Not fun.

All in all, yes, we experience every form of dissociation. In fact, multiple times while typing this, we started staring blankly into the distance again. We assume this is Ambrosia attempting to hold back whatever memories she's protecting us from, as most of it started upon writing about amnesia, and mentioning her. In many, many ways, it feels like we are faking our dissociation--a common sensation. The muted emotions make our pain feel like comfort-seeking, since we react as if we're in pain, yet our body signals that we're experiencing no emotion at all. The contradictory nature can be extremely unsettling, and has led to many BPD meltdowns which result in headmates like Mallory insisting they're horrible, that they're a burden, or that they don't deserve care. However, dissociation can also feel comforting, as it's a little bit of escape in an excruciatingly loud brain of over two dozen headmates, and quite frankly absurd processing speed.

In your case, it just seems your brain/system needs to distance itself from a memory. The sensation may be uncomfortable, but it is fully treatable, and merely involves some receptor activity in response to stimuli. I hope this has been informative. If you have any further questions, we'd be happy to answer.

Scottie is a nerd lol I love ADHD interest [ASHE]