this post was submitted on 14 May 2026
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Ok sure, but it doesn't change my point. I can also understand that in certain cultures and in history your family is all you have. But in these days they are just people you cannot chose, just like colleagues. Friends however, are people you meet and connect with because you are similar. These bonds are much stronger than someone that shares some DNA with you. Doesn't mean you can't have strong bonds with family too, but it's not a given they are always the strongest connections you have. In my case, and in the case of some of my friends, family members are just a disappointment while my friends and I have unconditional love for eachother and are even there through the hardest times. While my parents just concern themselves for me just not dressing the way they like and not having the career and education they wanted me to have, therefore judging me and pushing me away. Especially in times I need support instead of judgement and resentment.
Sure, I've heard that referred to as your "logical family" (as opposed to your "biological family" ). I have estranged family members, too.
What's interesting is HC Trumbull's contrast with the Arabic concept of blood being thicker than milk (from the Wikipedia entry) which seems to be closer to your meaning. I'm not sure if this is referring to people who have fought together or if it's some kind of "blood brother" ritual, though. Unfortunately, in English the word "blood" is used as a metaphor for family.
I'm glad that you've found friends like this. I don't understand the appeal of unconditional love, though. I expect that if I turned into a horrible person, my friends' love for me would go away, and I wouldn't think any less of them for that.
It seems like your love for your family is conditional upon them not being assholes. I think that's completely reasonable and appropriate, but why have unconditional love for your friends but not your family? If your friends started treating you the same way your estranged family members have, wouldn't your love for your friends also cease?
Maybe I'm missing something important about love here. This seems likely, because a lot of people hold the value of unconditional love in high regard and act as though its goodness is so obvious that it doesn't need to be explained. Perhaps you could tell me how I'm wrong here.