this post was submitted on 13 May 2026
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I'm not sure if I'd be proud or disappointed.
trigger warning
By age 10, I'd already decided I was going to kill myself at 24, and I was looking forward to it, assuming I hadn't already died by then. By my 14th birthday, I was doing my annual countdown from 10.I don't know if I'd be excited that I found things that made life worth living, or consider myself a failure for getting it wrong when I tried. Reflecting on that age, I don't think myself an idiot or anything, I just see a kid who tried their best with what they had, and had already given up on what seemed like an inescapable situation. I feel bad for 14 year-old me, and I'm not sure I'd be able to face that kid without feeling completely destroyed.
Why 24? If you don't mind asking. That's kinda odd number.
Like i chose 18, as im an adult by then and all the drug lectures at school painted a picture that I'd be offered drugs everywhere. So the plan was to OD at 18th birthday, seemed kinda nice way to go and a better alternative than become communal Fleshlight in the prison. Not that there was even any realistic threat of that happening, but thats in hindsight.