this post was submitted on 02 Apr 2026
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DoorDash getting in the mortuary services game huh?! Those rascally innovators, wonder what they'll innovate next!
All jokes aside, I should add, that fucking sucks, and is real gross, and I'm sorry you had to pay through the nose for the privilege of experiencing such a tasteless money-grab. Yuck.
My father wanted us to get the cheapest option when he passed and then to spend the money on a party instead. We obliged.
Well, it turns out that once you go under a certain price, it also starts getting tasteless, even if it's cheap.
The guy showed up. Nice black suit that is too large for him. Wondering where he got that. After accessing the situation (a corpse on the first floor) he then asks if we could help him carry the corpse down the stairs.
So we do, and following his direction holdning my father by the arms as we try to solve the "sofa problem" with my father's corpse in my childhood home staircase.. he ask us to shift to the shoulders to avoid breaking his arms off around the corner. As we finally get my father on a rolling stretcher, he asks if we could get him dressed quickly before the stiffness sets in. As we do it, my dead father rips a nasty dead fart.
Exactly how he had always wanted it.
Personally I actually enjoyed the process of having to be the one to carry him out of the house feet first instead of having a stranger do it. But other than that, I would advise anyone to not ask for the cheapest option.
Holy fuck, what a ride.
Left me deceased as well.
I've gotten to experience some bargain basement mortuary services myself - and sidenote, I swear, people say Americans have no sense of culture?! Please!
We got to enjoy a mortuarily-approved ($$$) small plastic bin for the remains in question in our case, as well as a quiet little moment of our own on the wee spot on the (public access 😅) coast she favored. Anyway, with ours ending up more Lebowski than Tucker and Dale lol.
We weren't asked to help carry, at least. Yeesh homie.
[Edit to add - glad pops woulda found it just right, frankly, in my experience, the universe sometimes does work out in strangely lovely and hilarious ways like that, your story is rad]