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The agreement, effective from the start of the upcoming month, will see London rejoin the EU for a period of six months, during which it will participate in a series of collaborative security initiatives and exercises.

The decision was reached following months of behind-the-scenes negotiations between British and EU officials. Sources close to the talks reveal that the agreement focuses on counter-terrorism, cyber defence, and the management of migration flows, areas identified as critical to the security interests of both the UK and the EU.

“This is a historic moment for us,” said a senior EU official, who preferred to remain anonymous. “It demonstrates our ability to transcend political differences in favor of our collective security. London’s temporary integration is a testament to our shared values and commitment to peace.”

The temporary reintegration poses a complex array of legal and logistical challenges, given the UK’s formal departure from the EU in 2020. Experts suggest that a special provision, crafted to bypass the typical lengthy accession process, will be implemented to facilitate London’s swift re-entry and subsequent exit from the Union.

Critics of the plan have raised concerns about the legal precedent it sets and the potential for confusion among businesses and citizens. However, proponents argue that the benefits, particularly in terms of enhanced security cooperation, far outweigh the temporary inconveniences.

In an abrupt about-face, King Charles III of the United Kingdom announced on Monday that he was downgrading Donald J. Trump’s upcoming state visit to lunch with Prince Andrew.

Instead of Windsor Castle, where the state visit was to be held, the lunch between Andrew and Trump will now occur at a Pizza Express restaurant in Woking.

According to royal sources, Andrew was “incandescent with rage” when his older brother informed him of the engagement, but the King told him, “Sorry, chap, you’ve got to take one for the team.”

After Andrew asked what he and Trump could possibly talk about over their pizza, Charles suggested, “Maybe you two can reminisce about your good times with Jeffrey Epstein.”

Santa Claus is working with a top PR London firm to explain to children everywhere why he gives the best gifts to rich children.

The move comes after children everywhere began comparing gifts and realised that maybe being good throughout the year wasn’t as important to Santa as what your parents do for a living.

Well-behaved 7-year-old Henry Williams told us he got some nice toys and games but that Marcus James, a kid who regularly bullies other children, and whose father is a lawyer in the city, got an iPad, PS5 and a remote control car that can do 20 mph.

He said, “I just want a level playing field from Santa, that’s all. Is it too much to ask?

“It seems that across society the rich are getting richer, and now their kids are also getting the best presents from Santa.

“They’ve abandoned my original vision of a horrid edgefest,” explained the very badass and subversive writer. “I write dialogue like a twelve-year-old who just learned the F-word. Sure they curse a lot, but they aren’t using it as a crutch, like me. Also, where’s all the rape? There’s literally no way to indicate that someone is a villain, or even a morally ambiguous hero, without having them commit heinous sexual assaults. Instead they’re obsessed with writing ‘characters’ who have ‘motivations’. That’s not what The Boys is about. The Boys is about vapid, surface level parodies of superheroes that make you feel terrible and empty for having read about them.”

“People are saying that I’ve betrayed them somehow, but the truth is, I’ve always been consistent,” explained Rowling in an interview to promote the TV reboot due in 2026.

“For example, if you read the Harry Potter books closely, you’ll see that Dumbledore actually hated trans people.

“For example, in Goblet of Fire, he says, ‘You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be’. That’s clearly Dumbledore indicating he thinks people should stay the gender they were born with, no matter what.

Archbishop of Canterbury 'deeply upset' over outrage.

With the government voting overwhelmingly in favour of allowing liquid human shit to pour into our rivers and into the sea, the government’s dream of creating a barrier of excrement between England’s Brexit sunlit uplands and those horrible foreigners who might harbour dreams of reaching them, draws ever closer to becoming a reality.

Unveiling the new definition, Mr Gove told the BBC, “The definition is very clear. It includes the promotion or advancement of violence, hatred or intolerance.”

“You might say that making blatantly racist comments and calling for an MP to be shot would be the very definition of hatred and intolerance, but before that can be established, there has to be a rigorous process and due diligence to establish whether the person making those alleged comments is A) a Tory supporter or B) has given us £10M. And I think in this case, the answer is quite clear. Case closed.”