volvoxvsmarla

We have friends with a similar age gap, she is I think 36 and he is 56 now. Their son is 3.5. He also has grown up kids not much younger than his wife. The kid was planned.

It's hard and he is passing on having another child for age reasons (see below), but their son is great and none of them regret the decision. The dad's back and knee are bad, so running after their Duracell powered son who looks like Finn from Adventure Time (that hair! Dude is set for life, he'll make bank as a hair modell) can get difficult. But they manage and are active and a very cute and happy family. Having a kid is always hard and stressful, unless you are a tiktok influencer, then it is the easiest thing you've done because it comes so naturally to you /s

As for it "feeling strange": from my own life experience, things only feel strange if you allow them to feel strange. Everything can be awkward and weird and strange and whatever, or you just decide this is your life and only you get to decide what is and what is not strange.

As for my friends, I think nothing about anything in their life feels weird. She literally lived with her now husband and his son for a while. It was fine. His kids are cool with the younger sibling. They get to choose what is normal. They chose that this is. Their family is. This is their family and their normality.

To add: Having two little kids vs one little kid is a whole different level. He has first hand experience in that, so I don't think not wanting another kid means he regrets it. Not at all. I think he just realizes that this would be not double as hard but quadruple as hard and he won't be able to do that. My husband is 35 and cannot imagine having a second child for similar reasons. He just doesn't have the energy level for another small being - and it will be more than double the energy required, while he couldn't give an extra 50% even if he wanted to.

So the question is really, how do you feel about it? Do you two have some energy left? Are you ok with taking on the majority of the physical work? Even if your partner is doing fine physically now, he might decline sooner than you think, unexpectedly.

I might add, bluntly: you have already decided that it is ok for you that the likely (if not ideal) outcome of your relationship is that your husband dies much before you. You will likely be a young widow. It might also be that he lives to 100 and you die in a freak accident after reading this. I'm not telling you anything new here. This is just to remind you of your choice and your thoughts on this when you decided to commit to each other. Because a lot of people point out that your kid might not have a dad for long. (Which, yeah, other people lose their parents at a young age too, but having it be more likely is another thing, although, does this mean sick/disabled people with a shortened life span should not have kids either, and then we are in eugenics territory or the antinatalists chime in.)

Anyway, I'll get a lot of hate in the comments (honestly taking this question to lemmy where a lot of antinatalists are hanging out is crazy) but in my opinion - which must be totally valuable to you lol - I'd go for it. Even if it is hard and you reach your limits, this is such a short time of intense chaos in your life. And then you'll have a kid. You'll have experienced this crazy thing. And love and support don't care for your age. Hugs and kisses are just as heartfelt. Your kid will be just as much of their own person, no matter what age their parents were. We all don't have a perfect family. But as I mentioned above, normal is what you define is normal. And a perfect and ideal family is whatever you decide it is.

Thank you for reading all of this.

Slip slap slop seek slide.

Just an umbrella won't protect you from UV rays, let alone if you spend a lot of time outdoors and the umbrella doesn't have a UPF. Even then, you'll have rays reflecting from surfaces. Do you wear long clothes? Do they have a UPF? And where do you live? (Rhetorical question, I don't need to know that of course)

If you are worried about chemicals, try mineral sunscreens. Non nano. They look and perform like shit but this is literally just zinc oxide sitting on top of your skin, reflecting the rays back like a mirror. Nothing is penetrating your skin, nothing is turning photons into heat. Zinc oxide is a compound you can get in a baby cream and a lot of pharmaceutical creams and it is reducing inflammation.

I like the umbrella, don't get me wrong, but depending on what exactly you do it might just be not enough. I'm worried it provides you with a false sense of security. Trust me, Japanese people don't rely on their umbrellas only.

Not really. A link doesn't mean a necessary causation. It doesn't have to be exclusively caused by tylenol. Skin cancer is linked to excessive sun exposure, but it can occur without it, and likewise, not everyone who is experiencing increased UV exposure gets skin cancer. Not every smoker gets lung cancer, not every lung cancer is caused by smoking (IIRC only 50% of lung cancer patients are smokers - it's just that not 50% of people are smokers). But a certain risk factor increases the occurence of a disease.

I guess what you are thinking of would be comparable with FASD, a mother who has a child with fetal alcohol syndrome but never drank any alcohol during pregnancy would disprove the causation. My guess would be that this isn't what they are going for but a vague "it increases the likelihood of the child developing autism".

I do that too! But it depends on the repair. If I just fix a seam or a tiny hole in a shirt (you know, the ones that you need 2 stitches for) then it won't stand out and look cool but just look out of place to me.

But I agree, in general visible mending is nicer and easier.

Honestly, I have no clue what thimbles are for. But I realized at some point this year that instead of using some hard surface to push my needle through assy material and/or hurt my finger pressing too much, I can just... Use a metal thing that sits on the right spot.

Also I know this sounds weird but go to a shop and try them on. It's weird how much a good fit helps.

The cutting out would probably be the way to go. I mean you could flap it, so it stays connected to the right spot, maybe it's time for you to be brave and risk it. Especially since you have a sewing machine! That means the seam can turn out quite nice when put back in place. Anyway, good luck and updates are appreciated!

Love the patches. The pockets seem rather big, so the problem is not that you aren't getting anything in, but that you cannot comfortably put the needle from inside to the outside? And I guess it is too thick to go in and out with the same stitch? If this would somewhat work you could consider a thimble, I recently rediscovered that little metal thing and it saved me a couple of times. Gets you through thick layers as long as your needle is stable (or you're willing to sacrifice 4-5 needles for a project).

Are the patches decorative or functional? If they are decorative (i.e. covering up imperfections) you would only need a couple of stitches to hold them in place, right? Or try another glue? If they are functional (i.e. covering up holes and necessary for integrity) you would need a more profound stitch. In that case, would you consider ripping the seam on the side of the pocket to open it up? That would allow you to have better access. Once you're done you'd obviously have to sew the pocket back on.

The other alternative is to find a friend with a kid that has small hands and pay them in gummi bears for their labor.

I'm 33 and I have been doing minor repairs since I can remember. Sewing buttons on or holes shut. Or making tiny clothes for barbies, looked awful, but worked. There are special ways of hand stitches for different purposes, but in most cases it's a trial and error approach that in 90% of cases won't end in "error". You'll figure out what feels better (like one yarn or double yarn) very fast.

But only at age 32 I invested in a cheap seam ripper. It always seemed excessive since you can basically just use sharp little scissors for that. I was wrong. I fucking love my seam ripper and I use it as a scissor now. This is so satisfying I would never ever let anyone rip any seam open for me. That's the orgasm of sewing.

Also, you might want to use a threading aid (edit: is it called a needle threader?). Some thread is just a bitch.

Little side note: when choosing a thread to repair, try to go muted. If you have a green piece of clothing and a light green, dark green, and grey thread, very likely the grey thread will be the least noticeable, unless the green is the same shade. If in doubt go darker. For white thread I recommend going off white - unless you have a lot of white clothes, most of white stuff is off white (i.e. not crisp paper white). Some people say 100% cotton thread breaks easier than blend or polyester. So far I haven't had any bad experience with cotton threats though.

Hey, that's the one I bought a while back! It was actually an accidental purchase because I wanted dull needles for darning but now I end up using these needles over my old ones. They are quite nice, have good sizes, and there is at least one darning needle!

Can you post a picture?

No, that's not it. Often there is free shipping to begin with; sometimes there isn't.

Sometimes the shipping costs to return the product are covered, sometimes they aren't; but when they are covered, that still doesn't reimburse the original shipping costs if it wasn't free shipping [to me].

I bought patches via amazon a couple of weeks ago - from a German company - with shipping costs since they weren't part of prime. I had to send everything back and pay for the return too, was absolutely a loss on my end but the quality was too shit to keep them. None of the shipping, neither to me nor back, was refunded.

When I buy directly from companies, be it DMC, Rosie Wool (RIP), Otto - when I pay for the shipping to me I have not been refunded the cost.

Thank you for remembering! I appreciate that! Also it comes at a great time - I started sewing and mending again on Friday! Currently embroiding wool silk patches on my kid's legging so they keep in place better.

Such a great (more or less) first project! It looks great and I hope your nephew will like it just as much. It took me a while to even realize which one was copied (especially since I first had to figure out what an underquilt is and how it is supposed to look like - at first I somehow assumed it might be an inner and an outer part in the first picture)

I love that you used up a blanket that wasn't being used otherwise. Great way to upcycle and give an item a new life! The fringes look great.

Also, thanks for making me look up what an underquilt is. Never heard of that before. Neither of people sleeping in hammocks during hikes.