All my life I was struggling maintaining friendships and closer meaningful relationships, me and my partner only had abusive (physically, too) relationships before we met each other.
The problem is, I probably have bipolar and autism. They have ADHD. We both also have depression.
Some days I have manic episode, some are full of apathy and the third type of days is "easy agitation and anger in general".
On days when I'm apathetic or angry-ish I try to not create a situation when something might fail etc. But I forget to say "please" and "thank you" to my partner verbally and it always results in them bursting into hatred and afterwards, tears. I try to rationalise that the wording itself is not important to me and I can't understand why would it be important to them, why won't they just accept that some days with me are better without any confrontation? They insist I'm the abuser because I do not try to understand them, even though I do try. I tried time and time again to memorise and get a habit of using soft language when asking them for anything. But this situation always repeats itself. Like I'm in a limbo.
I think it's called social intelligence? The thing I do lack and why I'm less concerned about the wording of things. It's like I can't remember what topics I can or cannot talk about with a specific person or what triggers they have. It's driving us nuts.
Edit:grammar
Bro playing Crimea card again, they never learn