explorator_1317

I saw on the one hand,

• Media IPs I loved repeatedly get wrecked by the companies that own them for the sake of easy profit.
• Politics turning ever more into an adrenaline-injecting, thought-deadening clown show.
• Most of the food sold to us in stores is full of weird garbage and I have to wash the fruits and vegetables at home for fear it's coated in residual poison.
• Even with working constantly, it's extremely difficult to afford a home that is actually your own, leaving basically everyone as perpetual debt or wage slaves for a mortgage or rent. You will then also be dependent on paying utility companies for your basic needs.

I saw on the other hand,

• Random people produce amazing creative outputs all the time just because they like to, and then they share it, without being paid.
• I saw things like the Libertarian Party platform and people on r/anarchism101 making calm, thougut-out arguments. (I know the Libertarian Party is rather different than anarchism but the point is it was a radical step for me at the time and it told me that people outside the 2-party system were making an actual attempt to be thoughtful.)
• Almost everyone I've ever known who gardens vegetables or farms eggs produce more than they eat, and all of them gladly give surplus away to friends and acquaintances.
• I discovered nomadism, have lived in an RV for a year, experimented with solar power, and stayed at friends' houses with well water, and discovered that what I actually need to be comfortable is far smaller, less expensive, and more achievable than the housing and rental markets would make it seem, and that there are a surprisingly large number of other people who have tried and discovered the same thing.

I could go on. All of this stuff had built up for years. The specific turning point was probably meeting an actual anarchist in person, hearing him describe direct action and mutual aid, and going, "Hey that sounds almost the same as what I've been thinking about for a while now."

It’s seems like every time someone figures out the supply issue, they come along, put in a few road blocks and charge you money to get though to what you had before for free or way less.

I mean yeah, that kind of thing has been the foundation of wealth for like... thousands of years, I think.

1. Acquire thing that lots of people want.
2. Secure it from anyone being able to get any of it for themselves.
3. Require people to give you money/labor/whatever in exchange for it.
4. Set the price as high as people will tolerate.
5. Profit. So, so, so much profit.

The point is not, never has been, and never will be, giving people things they want cheaply, the point is profit. Giving people things cheaply is beneficial when it lets you undercut the competition from other people selling the same or similar things. So much the better if you give what you control to people really cheaply at the start, and then raise the costs once your new ~~livestock~~ customers get settled in. But point is, at the end of the day, this type of behavior is how the profit motive plays out.

I'd love to see simulations of what the inside of such an object would look like. Is it dense all the way down to the black hole, or does it take just a little bit of falling hydrogen to create enough "solar wind" to hold the rest of the gas up like a hollow shell around it?

It’s not… Deal with the fact you need a phone to be a functional part of modern society.

Talking with people on the other side of the planet in real time didn't used to be possible either. Submission to a king used to be required to be a functional part of society. Lots of things are impossible until people make them possible. That's the whole point of things like Meshtastic to begin with. People like OP, trying crazy things and making mistakes and figuring stuff out, are the vanguard who make these changes possible.

Good to know, thanks!

Good to know, thanks.

I've thought about it. Eventually I suspect I might. There's a few reasons I'm not doing so right now though:

• I want the server we start with to be highly reliable, and that means I'd prefer to trust a host with more admin experience than I have.
• Self-hosting is a non-option for me right now in any case.
• While technically I could afford to pay hosting fees, I'm trying to spend as little as possible right now.

Eventually, I think I will want to set one up, just not soon unfortunately.

OOOH

I had not found this, thank you!

Is there a given reason for this? Is it something they're working on changing? I know very little about cybersecurity, but that sounds like a suboptimal situation.

I actually barely remember anything from before I was 15 years old. And anything I do remember is just a sequence of facts, no emotions or feelings.

Yeah that sounds like a lot of emotional distress & suppression from an early age, at least in my unprofessional opinion.

My last therapist was saying that it’s impossible for me to have trauma (probably because I never show much emotion at all during a session)

O_o

Maybe they had a different definition of trauma than what I know of. There are different responses to traumatic experience. Some of them make big, flashy results. The fight response can make people highly abrasive. The flight response can make people nervous workaholics. The fawn response can make people into over-gentle doormats. The freeze response though can make people clam up, to hide and to bottle, to show as little externally as possible. It's also, funnily enough, the strongest trauma response. The other 3 are active responses, trying to do something about the danger. They're biologically preferable to freeze because they're options for solving a problem. The freeze response is a last resort when other solutions have been tried, and no way to deal with the traumatic situation has been found. Showing no emotion is not an indication of lack of trauma, it can be an indication of inescapable trauma.

I have found that it helps for me to do some writing of things that randomly pop up in my head, but this is always extremely difficult, as I’m rarely aware of my thoughts at all.

Hey that sounds good! Even if it's hard to do with any regularity, having any healthy medium for processing is good. Maybe you can even try turning it around, start writing literally anything that's in your head, even if there's hardly anything you can perceive, and just keep going, see if you can sort of prompt thoughts to start flowing through a medium like writing. That type of technique works for me sometimes.

I'm sorry to hear what you've gone through, no one should have to grow up in neglect like that. Keep searching & observing, I don't know if what I've said will help you much but I do think you can find the answers you need if you persist.

Neglect is definitely something which can cause CPTSD-like reactions in the psyche. Emotional neglect was a part of my upbringing as well. For what it's worth, I actually have been able to identify it somewhat by talking with friends who had healthier emotional upbringings, and noting what they experienced and I did not.

Talking with your parents so little that you don't even know much about them after living together for 30 years definitely counts as neglect.

I'd recommend having a look at the book "Complex PTSD - From Surviving to Thriving" just to see if what it describes matches. It does talk about emotional neglect as one of the things which can cause long-lasting problems.

Is it possible that this is a trauma response? I've had trouble expressing and feeling my own emotions to a somewhat lesser degree, and I've realized that a lot of the reason why is that I was punished for showing distress when I was growing up, hid and suppressed such things as a result. Learning about the concept of CPTSD (Complex PTSD, less like normal PTSD than it sounds at first), and practicing something similar to IFS (Internal Family Systems), have both helped me more than any of the therapists I've seen. Identifying internal "parts" and trying to listen to what they in particular have to say has helped me connect with and integrate my emotions to some extent. Expression has been happening in the form of a kind of freeform journaling, both writing and drawing whatever I feel like, which has worked better for me than normal rote prose journaling. I don't know if any of those concepts or techniques will help your situation, but it's what I've got to offer.

I, also, have had a fairly disappointing time with therapy. I'm currently seeing my 4th therapist and wondering how worthwhile it is to keep seeing this one. Most of the real progress I've made was on my own, just doing research and exploring the Internet (mostly Reddit though I'm trying to move away from using that). If I look for a 5th therapist I might look specifically for one who is autistic themselves to see if that works better.

I wish you well, and hope you find what you're looking for.