dennis5wheel

joined 2 years ago
[–] dennis5wheel@programming.dev 5 points 10 months ago

I am really this disconnected. thanks

[–] dennis5wheel@programming.dev 1 points 10 months ago

Its bullshit and I left that job because the introverts doing real work were under rewarded while people who talked loud a didn’t do shit got promotions.

true and a short story:

in one of the units I worked at I found a nurse similar to me: socially awkward and introverted. The best worker of that unit. She would clock in, get report, get to work. Always. She was the only one at that unit working like that consequently, daily, to the point of skipping pauses and doing overtime for free.

To this day I believe this person, so similar to me, maybe even more introverted than me did that because she was also bullied at other units for being herself and the only way she found of defending herself and not being bullied was working according to standard, those completely unrealistic standards managements prints but everyone disregards because life happens at a hospital.

It's a perfect defense mechanism for an introvert: if I work nobody can talk to me therefore I won't be bullied.

Except that this work rhythm is completely unsustainable and I won't do it.

To add insult to injury, this coworker, even though she is the most hardworking person at that unit and extremely organized will never be promoted because she, like me, doesn't know to play the social game extroverts excel at.

story's over

[–] dennis5wheel@programming.dev -1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The habits I developed

holy %#@$, you re a good actor. I'm a terrible one and have no patience for that. Kudos to you for being so good faking it I guess? I'm too transparent

[–] dennis5wheel@programming.dev 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

true, I like getting to the point so nobody wastes energy, but people believe what they want to believe and are really fast making assumptions.

[–] dennis5wheel@programming.dev 3 points 10 months ago (2 children)

40/60 rule here.

I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to ask what you mean: 40% taking 60% giving?, 40% concentrating on my job 60% talking about inane stuff to placate them?

[–] dennis5wheel@programming.dev 8 points 10 months ago

I didn't find you abrasive. Abrasive would be to start insulting, writing all caps, insinuating with no facts, ranting... like trump

did you overlook communication? Did you act as a lone wolf in a team? Did you overlook to show off your own contributions?

so it's not enough doing my job but I actually have to show off like a... show off what I actually do? this is childish (don't want to start an argument with you, just pointing out this is childish...)

acting as a lone wolf: no more than my coworkers: some coworkers like working all alone, other are more collaborative. The ones that work alone, I leave them alone.

The examples you give are quite extreme, did you communicate about them correctly or could you communication look like pointing fingers? Did you follow up on them in the way that is usually used in the team? Did you make an enemy of a key player?

that I don't know. I just want a quiet life.

[–] dennis5wheel@programming.dev 1 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

You didn’t tell us when he asks if everything is OK. That is a large omission, and I hope you can update the original post with examples of what led up to the question being asked.

I'm a nurse and where I work at we all have to eat together, meaning I'm a captive audience and have to be there, like it or not. My coworkers are so special if I eat alone, away from them, they'll come to me later and ask if everything's all right. If I eat my lunch together with them but read a book, they invariably ask if everything's all right.

I cannot win here. They need this level of attention and I just want to be left alone.

[–] dennis5wheel@programming.dev 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

“When you ask me if everything’s ok, it makes me feel pressured/put on the spot.”

have you ever done this yourself? To me it makes me look weak, giving them something they can use to attack me.

[–] dennis5wheel@programming.dev 0 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

The use of ‘insinuating’ sounds like you’re filling in a lot of blank space with your own narrative.

kinda disagree:

I'm the quiet one and most extroverts where I work at find that offensive. they feel offended because I don't ask them about their lives, lives I don't care about. I've told 3 coworkers already that I don't talk to them because I have to work and they react aggressively and feel offended, fully convinced I don't talk to them because I hate them.

But keep not doing their jobs, meaning I have to do my job and theirs while they keep talking.

[–] dennis5wheel@programming.dev 1 points 2 years ago

you are right. thanks!

 

cross-posted from: https://programming.dev/post/14816537

I’m 43 years old but apparently I have a baby face, good hair for my age and everyone believes I’m in my mid 20s, even though I already have some gray hairs nobody seems to notice (so far).

I started the lie: first time I started my last job at a hospital immediately after my bachelor and told my new coworkers my real age (38 at the time) they started judging me: why are you not married, why don’t you have children, what have you done in the last 20 years.

The way these women asked was accusatory, like I’m a failure for being almost 40 and not having children or being single. At that moment I decided next time somebody at the workplace asks me for my age, to blatantly and shamelessly lie: I’m 25, leave me alone.

Since that bad experience I’ve worked at 2 other hospitals and my lie has always helped: patients and coworkers believe I’m 25 because as said I look like it, don’t pester me about children or marriage and while my current coworkers are gossips and need drama to live, they don’t push my buttons because I don’t give them any ammunition. It’s tolerable.

Note that I didn’t lie in my application and accounting and management at my workplace know very well my real age, but my coworkers and direct manager are oblivious to it: On my first day I just told them I’m 25 and they didn’t question it.

Now, I have the body of a 43 year old, meaning I don’t lift heavy patients like a 25 year old and sometimes I come home with back pain. I don’t know if I’d get better assignments if I’m sincere about my age (I’d like that, but is it realistic?). I just don’t want to get to 65 with a broken back. I don’t want drama either, just to work and go home.

I lie to protect myself.

If I need to change this, why and how?

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