As the title says, today I managed to call my friend and basically have my coming out. As expected he was basically like "nice. Got a new name or something I have to be careful about?" (I currently havent decided on anything yet) The talk felt good and it devinetively helped a little bit with the hate for myself and I no longer feel absolutely terrible all the time. I still feel kinda terrible due to the feeling of having a hole ripped in my chest, but it devinetively got better after that.
There is absolutely ni way i could stand through the current situation for a decade. Not even a year. Currently every day feels like torture. Even the 4 weeks until I Am no longer at my parents home are horrible to just think about.