GreatestGenBot

When a cargo exchange with a penal colony puts a clever escapee aboard the Entrepreneur, Bones is suspicious of the famous Doctor Adams and pressures Captain Kirk to investigate. But after beaming down with Dr. Noel and jumping into the lobotomy recliner himself, Kirk resists interrogation and Adams learns exactly why his treatment is a failure. What’s the best way to avoid a workplace accident? Which word is particularly remarkable in an Australian accent? How does a photocopier need to be cleaned? It’s the episode with a very dangerous dimple.

When a Klingon Bird-of-Prey brings aboard a couple of disheveled humans, their ass-kicking and ship-stealing behavior has the High Council super pissed. But after Starfleet figures out who these augmented augments are, the Entrepreneur picks up Dr. Arik Soong and brings him along on their mission to avert a war. How is Captain Archer like a UPS driver? Which character has a cry-after-sex vibe? What’s an extremely bad sign in a holding cell? It’s the episode that missed its one chance to ask a Soong about a Singh.

When the Entrepreneur receives an SOS from an exact copy of Earth, the only question that interests the crew is whether anyone might still be alive. But after the away team kills a zombie and meets some kids who are hundreds of years old, they become infected and have to work out a cure to make it out of quarantine in time. Is there a correct number of mugs? How does a flat Earth captain orbit a planet? What could be considered assault on a playground in Los Feliz? It’s the episode where years of experience doesn’t make anyone smarter.

When the Entrepreneur arrives back at Earth and Captain Archer blows up in his debrief meeting, he ends up on vacation with an old flame who wants to help him clear his head. But after Tucker joins T’Pol for her shore leave on Vulcan, her betrothed makes an offer she really can’t refuse. What’s the real reason for only one laurel on the lectern? Which banger-enhancing upgrade won’t be installed on the NX-02? Who designed Darth Vader’s house? It’s the episode that is the 600th file in a dropbox folder.

When the Entrepreneur arrives at Dr. Korby’s last known location, Nurse Chapel is on speakerphone when he calls up Captain Kirk. But after they beam down to meet his new “friends” and lose two crew members in the caves, Dr. Korby shorts out on love and wipes the slate clean on his mechanistic culture. Which sport is really disgusting? What new square won’t be added to the game of buttholes? How are dishwashers shaped on Exo 3?  It’s the episode that imagines a future of rope chairs.

When Lt. Reed figures out where the timeline went wrong, Vosk offers up his prisoners and Captain Archer starts sharing everything he knows. But after Silik and Vosk clash and the Entrepreneur destroys the temporal hole, the timeline is restored and Agent Daniels agrees to fuck off. Which new collab could turn things around for the Purple Zebra? What’s the best way to hide all that rubble at the White House? Does Vosk have at least one redeeming quality? It’s the episode that would never want to infringe on your freedoms.

When Kirk & Co. pick up an untrustworthy businessman named Harvey Mudd and his women associates, the men on the Enterprise are overtaken by a spell. But when Mudd turns out to be making deals behind Kirk’s back, it’s finally time to pry off this annoying barnacle. Will Kirk be able to withstand the spell? How much slink can you get in one episode? What’s with the groovy Spock? It’s the episode Big Rod wrote after watching a Nancy Sinatra music video!

When the most kick-ass season of Enterprise starts in WWII for some reason, Captain Archer gets kidnapped by gangsters and Silik is back to slinking around on the ship. But after toxic sludge Daniels stumbles into sicksbay and dies, Archer returns to figure out exactly who needs to be stopped. What can be expected from any trip to the post office? Which room is next to the crying room and breastfeeding room? How does J. Paul Boehmer feel about himself? It’s the episode that didn’t have the budget for Khmer Rouge.

When a transporter malfunction strands an away team on a freezing planet, it also creates evil duplicates of Captain Kirk and a weird dog. But after naughty Kirk takes things too far with Yeoman Rand, nice Kirk is convinced to face the fear of recombination. Who is allowed to do father-in-law impressions? What’s the best way to heal an open wound? When would Spock beat Kirk at 3D chess? It’s the episode that’s at the headwaters of a trope.

When Captain Archer leads a dustbuster club onto the Xindi weapon, Tucker and T’Pol stay aboard the Entrepreneur to destroy the network of spheres. But after the Guardians serve up too much space queso and an old friend arrives to help, Archer blows up the weapon and disappears into a new story arc. Which siren song isn’t that hard to resist? Who knows how to party like Klingon warriors? When is it clear that Hoshi is feeling better? It’s the episode that explores our ambivalence towards florescent lights.

When JOE TORMOLEN has an itch he just can't resist, he scratches his way towards starting a full blown pandemic of space madness on the Enterprise. But after Lieutenant Riley takes control of the ship and finds a captive audience for his manosphere podcast, Kirk and Spock set out to find a way to regain command of the Enterprise. Who gets the first neck pinch? When is it appropriate to touch a stranger's love handles? Why even use tricorders? It’s the episode that completely shaves its balls.

When Hoshi wakes up in the A story with Dolim forcing her to decipher launch codes, Captain Archer convinces the mammalian Xindi to let him plead his case to the Aquatics. But after they agree to help and get their fish tanks blown up, a boarding party on its way to the weapon is the Entrepreneur’s last hope to save Earth. Why is the population of Portland so manageable? What is exactly the same as talking on Facetime? Where are Xindi souvenir pasties available? It’s the episode that hasn’t improved from last week.