FelizTheCat

So, it's still a little there right now but it used to be really bad. Not only did I say I was LGBTQ for attention (and so I could say slurs) aside from actually half-thinking I was bi, I used to bully autistic people and those different from me. I used to say racial slurs constantly because I thought it made me "cool", and I didn't really care about the rights of minorities or what was going on in places like Ukraine or Palestine.

Just wanted to get that out... I'm really a bad person, I know.

Right now, I am honest-to-God trying to get better. I know there's something wrong with my brain and I'm trying to fix that. I try to be as supportive as I can to LGBTQ+ people and I don't mind if they outright say "I'm gay/bi/whatever" or "I have a [partner/spouse of the same gender]" but something about having to hear about romantic or sexual stuff with two women really doesn't sit right with me, especially with "yuri" or having lesbian relationships portrayed on TV. However, "yaoi" and gay relationships on TV I find awesome and cute, I'd say. Men, I find attractive, though, so that could be why. If a guy talks about his romantic or sexual encounters with another guy, I don't mind at all.

While trying to convince myself I was bi or pan, I would hang out with a lot of straight women, crush on only guys, and even hang out with homophobic women.

In high school, my best friend was a homophobic and transphobic girl who relentlessly bullied one of my bully victims: a trans man. I tried to convince the guy it was his fault he got bullied, but I have matured and see the best "friend" was just an asshole.

Please, no judging, I am only curious.

I know no one can tell me my identity, that's for me to decide. But I've been thinking long and hard about whether or not I'm bi, even pan, or just a straight girl who wants to be an ally to LGBTQ+ people. Heck, this may even be a "rhetorical question" and I already know the answer and just wanted to talk about it.

First off, I'm trying to get better at this, but I don't really understand homosexuality. And what I mean is more like it doesn't sit right with me. Something is wrong with my brain where two women kissing especially, grosses me out a little and just feels unnatural and weird. I feel homophobic like this, though, so I'm trying to get better at it. I'm completely fine around gay people, supporting them, and people coming out to me, but something about me being in the vicinity of women doing romantic stuff makes me feel weird or having to hear about girls on a date. With men, however, the gender I find attractive, I do not feel weirded out about them going on dates, holding hands, kissing, and the like.

I genuinely can't imagine being with a woman. Like, I can imagine us being "girlfriends" but I guess I'd only really want to be friends because I never find any women romantically nor sexually attractive nor would I feel like ever kissing a woman/holding hands or anything like that. The only thing I can tolerate with a woman is going on dates, which I could easily do when I hang out with friends.

But with men... I find men physically and romantically attractive. I easily find men attractive. Men kissing doesn't bother me and I find it awesome even. I would like to kiss a man, go out with a man, hold hands, have a family and kids with a man.

But I thought women were pretty, so that made me bisexual and I would get a little warm feeling around them, but I realized I don't wanna actually kiss or hold hands with them nor do I easily find them attractive.

And let me tell you, though I find women pretty, such as celebrities, it's been so long since I actually had romantic feelings for a girl, or feelings I can consider to be such. I've liked guys for as long as I can remember and currently like a guy I know via a friend.

I find both men and women attractive in their own ways, but I could never see myself dating a woman. I want a boyfriend. I don't look at romance games or stories where the protagonist romances a girl either because it's not relatable to me. Only men. Do I just prefer men or am I just straight?

I bullied him back when he was in the closet/a girl in high school for being nerdy. As we grew up, we became friends and I discovered he was a guy now. He’s pretty cool :)

I'm not really into trans people, so I only date cis men. Not trans men, not nonbinary people, and not women of any kind. However, my former boyfriend is now my girlfriend, and IDK how to tell her I don't like women without her taking it the wrong way.

I wrote:

Hey, L,

I know you're probably asleep, but I kind of needed to talk about something. I want you to know that I fully support you coming out as trans. I think it's good that you're finally your true self. However, I wanted to say that I'm straight. I'm, unfortunately, not that into women, which you are. I'm sorry, it's just my preference. Know, please, that we can still be friends and I can support your true womanly self along the way, but I'm not interested in women and I can't keep dating someone and lying about how I feel.

I hope you understand, E 🙂