this post was submitted on 25 Feb 2025

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submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

This just makes me sad because I spent more than a decade trying to be patient and kind with her crazy level 10 where me trying to separate during an argument by leaving the apartment would result in her trying to trap me in the apartment, physically restrain me from leaving, saying I never loved her, threats of suicide and trying to make me watch her self-harm or listen/watch to a suicide attempt (once I made it out the door I would have endless phone calls with nothing but the sound of her smashing up the apartment and saying she was busy trying to kill herself). The final straw was her trying to kill herself with my cancer medication, it felt like she was trying to kill both of us.

I spend every day feeling like I wasn't strong enough and I failed her. I feel like I gave my life to her and I failed her and my life isn't worth anything now.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

This sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder. My ex did the same exact stuff. There are a lot of books about it. "I hate you, don't leave me" is a really great book to read. Helped me out a lot with my ex.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I appreciate you trying to empathize, but please stop medicalizing shitty behavior. It doesn't matter that you were somewhat correct.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Further, the book is kind of notoriously heteronormative and transphobic...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I don't know if that's true, but medicalizing behavior is the fast track to demonizing the millions of people who have the conditions without being a shitty person.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You usually don't get diagnosed with a severe condition like this unless you have been doing a lot of shitty things. BPD isn't like ADHD. BPD is a medley of other disorders that can even include things like ADHD. In a lot of BPD people, for example, treating their ADHD can help their other symptoms.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I'm sure that it can. But don't spread lies, bpd and bipolar is usually discovered through manic and/or depressive episodes. I had a manic episode that led to a psychotic break, and managed not to abuse anyone. My family found some of what happened actually mildly funny, and probably would have actually laughed if the situation wasn't so serious. These conditions are discovered through terrifying and difficult situations, not shitty behavior.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 month ago (2 children)

This doesn't sound anything like BPD. If I were you I'd get a second opinion and also look into some alternatives that could be causing it. Other medical conditions like gut issues or blood sugar issues can lead to things like this.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

I figure you're not a doctor specializing in this, so you should not be so confident. This sounds like extreme confirmation bias to me.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

If I wanted your opinion about my mental health, I would have booked an appointment. You're not a psychiatrist, so stop pretending to be one online.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

It looks like you're right. It's an old book. I read it like 8 years ago. What other books would be better?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"Medicalizing shitty behavior"? What exactly would be the alternative? If we don't categorize it then how else would we find a community of people to get help. These kind of thought process disorders not only destroy the lives of those who have it but also the ones around them. It's more of a start so people can move forward with figuring things out. "Brain Energy" actually helped me out the most with understanding these "shitty behaviors". These people are fucked in my opinion because they don't think they need help. Unless they are low functioning. The best thing to do is keep your distance or get away completely.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I know people who have bpd and bipolar disorders. There's a distinct possibility that I do too. Do you know what I don't do? Abuse people. That's why it's a problem to claim every shitty thing is due to a mental illness. It's best to condemn the behavior instead of trying to justify it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Borderline, Bipolar II, and untreated ADHD because the bipolar meds she was on conflicted with any potential ADHD meds.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

hey SnotFlickerman, give yourself some credit. nobody is strong enough to handle a relationship with someone dedicated to self destruction. thats kind of the point. your life is just as worthless as everyone else's, whatever that might mean for you. go appreciate someone worthy of your time.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

go appreciate someone worthy of your time.

it's not like i've gotten a ton of attention from women throughout my life, and it's not like women are clamoring for a bald overweight middle aged guy with cancer, but sure, somehow someone is suddenly gonna give a shit i exist.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

valid points, sure. but you have no idea how low the bar is out there. if you are actually a decent human being, you're buoyant. btw thanks for existing.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

the bar being low is why i was with my last partner.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

that was your bar being low.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

it was both

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Look up CPTSD, fellow victim. She's a narcissist and it's not your fault

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

On sale now: Massive Red Flags!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

An ex had a breakdown (before we were together, when I was pursuing her) and we talked it out. At the end, she said "Well, now I know that you can handle me." I look back on her as crazier than I realized during the relationship. I don't have good feelings toward her in that regard. I still respect her for instilling a lot of good traits in how I view the world, but holy shit.