“Just because you got burned doesn’t mean you get to go around setting everyone else on fire.”

A quote I remember often.

No, but understanding how a shitty childhood can often lead to a shitty adult can help prevent it.

Growing up in a environment that isn't conducive to social adaption gives you a free pass to be not socially adapted, but it also means it is now your personal responsibility to fix that.

having an abusive childhood is the main reason why i'm extremely sympathetic now, and probably part of why i'm also a massive doormat

I'm glad my childhood raised me to be a pathological people pleaser utterly terrified of anyone's disapproval. Nobody complaining about these sorts of people

It took me quite a while to climb out of that pit. Even now decades later I'm realizing how much they did to me. They didn't know it and didn't care but they shortened my life with their neglect. I had never looked up rheumatic fever. When I was fourteen I was third in free style swimming in my region. I got sick with a sore throat and ear ache. My parents waited three days to take me to the doctor. The 80 year doctor just said it was a minor 'red throat' I went back home and two days later my I started bleeding from my ears. Three days after that they finally took me back to the doctor. I had a high fever and was really out of it. I was out of it for a few days and in the hospitals for fourteen days.

After that I started getting slower in swimming. I couldn't no longer keep up with the times I had when I was younger. I was getting tired all the time and was having pain in my chest. My mother insisted I was too old for that and fool that I was believed her. In truth I had heart problems related to that fever. They had the money and I had insurance but they decided that their money was more important and the only reason why they went to the doctor when they did was because someone came by the house and saw the bloody paper towel next to my ear and freaked out. I didn't learn that for thirty years just like I didn't learn they called SCAN which was child services at the time. Of course they talked them down and I was in my late forties before I found out.

I had a heart attack when I was in my mid thirties. Now in my mid fifties I'm looking at severe problem with my heart valves. If I lose my job I'm dead in the Land of the Fee. I have tried to raise my children better but I still have difficult emotional problems and I can tell you right now I don't hate much but even though they are dead I will always hate them.

Shitty childhood led me not to have kids at all.

Your post is great OP. There are so many entitled people in this thread arguing that their life gives them a reason to not be a good person. Its lovely that they're all outing themselves for who they really are.

There will always be someone out there who had it worse than you did. Many of those people choose good. Being a good person is an active choice that you have to make every day, and it is not the easy choice. It's work.

You don't want to make the effort and try and leave this world a little better than you found it? Fine. But at least own up to it. Don't blame circumstance. It's you. It's the choice you are making.

Same for age, wealth, status, gender, education, height, weight, hair color, surname and any other inane metric yould care to list. People just need validation and respect, yet don't recognize it's a two way street. Not difficult.

Honestly, I used to feel the same. But now... Not so much.

Shitty childhoods often develop into isolating behaviors. Isolating behaviors keep you from connecting with other people. Those people often give you hell, because you don't have the skills to connect and they're afraid of you. Which means you learn behaviors to keep others away from you.

Nobody is asking for a free pass, but mental healthcare and just a general recognition of the lack of free will that we all suffer in this deterministic universe does require us to think in terms of consequences that might actually work to make the world a better place.

I'm other words, when has saying, "be better" ever persuaded anyone?

Explanation, but not excuse.

But then, is there any excuse to be a shitty person. I can only thing of a couple of edge cases.

No, but it should inspire compassion and patience. Childhood abuse literally changes the structure of their growing brains, you don't fix that in a day.

Shit was rough. Break the cycle. Be the change you want to see.

its not your fault for turning that way. but its your fault for keeping that way.

Explain to me in one hastily written white board that you do not understand childhood trauma.

On the one hand there’s truth to that: your behavior is your responsibility.

On the other: people in this country are seriously uneducated in regards to childhood trauma. I mean good grief. If someone is behaving poorly, there may be deep reasons for that and maybe get them some help.

I honestly don't know if this is genuinely supposed to be a shitposting community, and at this point I'm too afraid to ask

If you read only the black text, the sign is telling people it’s perfectly fine to be victims of their circumstances.

Jokes aside, I reluctantly agree with the sentiment that one or two commenters have expressed that it’s awful privileged to assume it’s within the capacity of those who endured childhood trauma to just “be better”.
At every moment of every day, I carry a wound with me that tells me I’m not good enough, that I’m both physically and mentally in danger, and that everyone and everything I trust will turn on me at a moment’s notice.
It’s a bit like handling a curve on a bike or car. On good days I feel like gentle tug of inertia trying to pull me from the path I’m steering toward. In this metaphor, the curves are the little challenges that are thrown at you socially. I see the edge of the mental road and all the darkness that lies beyond it, but I can handle it with grace and move in the direction I’d like. On bad days - most days, honestly - it’s not so gentle of a pull. I’m sliding right into panic and fear because of the trauma that was built into me. It takes a considerable effort and a lot of energy to not be antisocial, to not indulge in things that protect my wounds.

It sucks. And it’s not because I’m not being better, it’s because my starting point is farther back and with fewer resources.

(And time, apparently, as I’m rushing to finish this comment - apologies if that rush comes through with incomplete thoughts.)

It's all about attitude. You can't choose your trauma, but you can choose how to see it:

1. A normal experience that you "got over" and refuse to allow yourself (and by extension others) to say is or was "that bad," may even lead to believing that it's "your turn" to inflict it on anyone who arbitrarily deserves it
2. A horrific experience that you never want another child to ever go through

Luckily, I grew up with parents who saw it the #2 way and raised me with love

This isn't a fucking shitpost oh my God. This community is where bots come to get Lemmy cred.

Un my experience the worst people are the ones who have had no adversity.

Plenty of people out there who had shitty childhoods (some of them much shittier than yours) and grew up to be good people. If they can do it, so can you.