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My Parents Live Under My Earnings. Can I Force My Dad To Quit A Bad Habit? (discuss.online)

submitted 1 year ago by Delta@discuss.online to c/lifeprotips@lemmy.ml

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Hello, I’m young and work as an AI Technician at Google, which means I earn a good salary. My parents are not elderly, but they are both currently jobless and rely on my income and live in my house. I want to clarify that it’s a pleasure for me to support my parents and be there for them. However, I’m facing a small issue and would appreciate you guys' help.

My mom is doing fine, but the problem lies with my dad. He’s not addicted to alcohol like some people, but he is addicted to ultra-processed foods and consumes large quantities every day. I order healthy meals from trusted restaurants for both of them and myself, and he eats those as well, but he still indulges in a lot of unhealthy snacks like ice cream, chips, energy drinks, and candies. Like, Too much of them. This situation worries me because of the impact it could have on his health.

I’ve tried talking to him about it and convincing him to cut back and eat less unhealthy food, he always agrees but then continues to eat even more unhealthy food. My question is:

Should I intervene and try to stop him from eating that junk food forcefully altogether, perhaps by withholding money for those items or limiting his daily spending? I’m concerned about being disrespectful, as they are my parents who gave birth to me and raised me at the end of the day. It’s important to note that they weren’t always jobless; they only retired after I started my high-paying job and was able to support them.

What do you think? Should I take action to help my dad eat healthier, or should I respect his choices as an adult and not overstep my boundaries? Thank you for your thoughts.

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[–] solarvector@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 year ago

Why do you think that having coercive power over someone means you should exercise it?

On the other hand, why are you giving them unlimited money today? Can you really limit it enough that he wouldn't prioritize chips and cookies?

[–] protist@mander.xyz 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

They only retired after I started my high-paying job and was able to support them

By "able to support them," you mean letting them live rent-free in your house with you? Why not give them some money each month to help support them rather than having them in your house with you all the time? Your parents still need to live their own lives, but it sounds like they're living yours. I appreciate there may be some cultural considerations here, but I assume you're a single, youngish man...how can you live your own life if your parents are there with you 24/7? Healthy boundaries with your family are important, and trying to assert control over what your father eats is you grasping at straws for those boundaries. I highly recommend you find a therapist to unpack all this with

[–] jet@hackertalks.com 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

When you were a child, were your parents able to rectify all the behaviors they didn't like in you? How effective was it? Were you happy when they were applying corrective action against you?

I would suggest gentle nudging. Make sure the kitchen always has healthy food in it, that food is free. Just encourage a healthier diet through availability

For an adult, change really has to come from within, they have to want to change before they can change.

You could try some fun incentives: wear this continuous glucose monitor and if you can keep your blood glucose stable for a week... Some incentive or prize or event or whatever

And if they cheat you'll see it on the glucose monitor

And forgetting about the incentives, seeing their blood glucose go crazy, might be the nice visual feedback they need to actually understand what they're doing to themselves