I topped from below. Partners told me what they wanted done to them, and I did it to them.
We called it negotiation but I knew what it really was.
this post was submitted on 26 Jul 2026
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I'll die a bottom >:)
It's fair to say there are tops who don't receive constructive criticism well, but those of us who do absolutely depend on that feedback to give what's wanted and/or needed.
There's no shortage of subs who give no information during or after. There's only so many times I can ask questions only to have no reply beyond a "yes mistress" or "harder please" ... I can't punish you into giving thoughtful feedback :-/
This might be harder for me, because being autistic I'm not the best at reading body cues, but I try to be honest about my limitations.
Tie them up in front of a computer until they've written a 3 page essay giving constructive feedback about their experience thus far.
Bonus points if a shock collar is around their leg setting off whenever they make a typo.
I feel this sooooo hard
I need all the information on how what I am doing is being received, thank you
Thankfully my partner/sub is pretty good at it
~~also part of it is I'm pretty sure I am a service dom/(and top? idk) and I enjoy maximizing and optimizing my partner's pleasure...~~
Nothing wrong with being a service top, as long as you get satisfaction from it!
Edit to add: Meanwhile I struggle with not being bossy at everyone around me, lol
So being a top is basically like being a D&D DM then?
... i'd say a dnd dm would be more like directing a gangbang porno.
It's the noble task. Know the rules, make the adventure and give them the imaginary time of their lives, so you can imagine being among them.
(And you kinda are tbh, those skeletons and goblins are nothing but a boogieman disguise for the unseen member of the gang).
I'm almost certain I'm just going to die alone. There is no top. There is no bottom. There is just forward.
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you either die a child or grow old enough to treat your child the way you would have liked to be treated... if u feel like it. I know many peeps here hate children.
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This is way too true. Also switches are the cruelest doms (in the best way)
not me
i have no idea how to be cruel in an enjoyable hot way
when dominating, i am quite soft
I can only hope that Banana and I are... currently demonstrating at least one way of going about this.
Check the rest of this comment chain.
I can be either, depending on what the sub wants tbh. I just get off on other people getting as much pleasure as they can have.
I love a good soft Dom myself but I can also be a pain slut depending on where I'm at in my cycle, so I understand the appeal of both. Hell I also love a good soft psychological dom that uses degradation to play mind games with me .
All I'm interested in when I dom is seeing somebody whimper and beg for me, by any means.
Hell I also love a good soft psychological dom that uses degradation to play mind games with me .
OwO
need need need need need need
Right?? It's the bessst ugh. I'm a sucker for the "you're a disgrace and I don't know why I want you so badly" kind of trope haha, like someone is struggling to reconcile why they're so attracted to such a loser 🤭
See now, as an actual switch... or... maybe just literally me (?)... I just actually do not enjoy verbally degrading people, makes me feel disgusted with myself.
I prefer simply demonstrating, practically, with controlled force, that you are at my mercy.
... you might be be able to mind game me out of that... but I would simply enjoy that.
Or you might be able to physically out do me, which I would also enjoy.
Not insults though. Genuine turn off for me, giving them or recieving them. Taunts? Dares? Absolutely. Degradation? .... find another switch-dom.
Now... learning what you like, and withholding it from you? That I can do.
But... specifically punishing someone with something they do consent to, but causes them genuine discomfort, significant pain or panic?
Can't do it. Too much of genuinely nice person, or something.
That makes total sense! To be fair I'd only do degradation with the most trusted of partners because it needs to come from someone of whose opinion of me i am well aware. Most of the time I'm just a competitive brat hahaha
Really love a switchy physical power dynamic where power shifts between both partners.
The mind games and degradation are for a very specific type of itch, however (hint: it's trauma).
Oh I'm not even trying to judge you or anything, you don't need to justify anything to me, I just... I am only mean to people I genuinely dislike or hate or despise in some way, or have done something severe, of the same description.
To me that seems like the antithesis of ... love or just enjoying another person's body... frankly it would make me feel like a rapist, to be intentionally viciously cruel.
Had ... a few people in my life ask for that, and I just actually couldn't do it... fucking broke down crying, actually.
I don't know how to pretend to be... viciously, overwhelmingly cruel. I only know how to actually be that way, and I never want to be that way.
... i guess I'm saying I'm a method actor, in bed ... ?
I know plenty of people like that, and I don't think that's wrong, that's probably how we should think about that stuff lol. It should be difficult to be or pretend to be cruel to a person.
Tbh I may be a bit fucked up, but it's in a fun way, at least, lol. Results in some wires crossed and makes me want that kind of treatment, but in a context where the type and amount of treatment I receive is in my control, as a sub.
So, the biiig reason I am capable of cruelty when in a dom position is that I understand how it feels as a sub to want to be on the receiving end of it, and how much it can actually help in a therapeutic sense when the proper before and after care is taken. So I guess what im saying is I can tell how much they want it, I can tell how much they enjoy it, and I would never dream of treating a person like that if they didn't actively want it. Like I said in another comment, I enjoy when my partner is enjoying themself.
Edit: Oh! I also wanted to add, gender power dynamics also play a huge role when dominating men, and a LOT of men like being degraded by women because it's a response to a society that constantly teaches them to treat women like objects, yknow?
Hah!
but in a context where the type and amount of treatment I receive is in my control, as a sub.
I laugh because... to me? My sub, sub to my switch?
You are only in control of essentially what you can trick me into doing. And I tend to be a rather quick learner. Either that or what you can literally force me into doing. You better either figure out one of those... or ... learn my rules. >;D
Safe words, of course, for emergency stop, but... that's it.
I revel in the extremely direct and obvious control... but I make the rules of it... very simple. That. That is how I train a sub. You actually have to control or utilize yourself, really, mostly... and in so doing... I become essentially entirely predictable, a 'solved game'. Sub and dom then cease to actually make sense as distinct and consistent concepts.
So this is kind of the antithesis of at least what I percieve as 'patriarchy'. It is straightforward and obvious... not... taken for granted, via unspoken rules. It is 'total' and domineering... but it is also totally undoable, reversible.
Quite literally, I'll give you what you want, but only if you play my game, and in so doing, you kind of have to learn to think and act as I do.
Is that ... manipulation, or communication?
... I don't know. Both? Is that feminine, masucline? Both, Other? Don't know, but it is generally quite enjoyable.
I am forcing or encouraging a condition that makes each of us both subject and object of the other, to the other.
Eitherway, my psychosexual analysis of myself is... i yearn for a kind of connection on a level that is... not commonly achieved.
My own kind of 'disasterpiece', hahah!
Nonetheless, your perspective/style is... interesting. Somewhat relatable, somewhat alien, to me.
I don't understand the desire to be ... degraded, or used... but I do understand your inversion of it. Makes sense.
Likewise, I, a bi switch dude, have no desire to be degraded, by a woman... or anyone, really.
But I do understand that if you are always wearing the mask of 'competent powerful leader man'... the exact opposite of this is deviant and thus secretly desirable/enjoyable.
I guess uh... case in point: Kristi Noem's husband. Who has been... basically socially cucked, (literally being cucked aside, or ancillary) by his much more socially powerful and influential wife, if he subscribes to stereotypical patriarchichal societal and family roles/norms.
Results in 'well then I guess I have to be the hyper stereotypical bimbo/trophy wife, because she is clearly the man of the house'.
A sexist way of humilating himself. ... Ironically, still very self centered.
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im second- or think im second. i wanna be second. i wanna make others feel good
cuz thats a really special feeling.
edit: ALSO!!! hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i wonder if this relates to someone hHmMMMMMmMmmmMm... that likely wasnt intentioned (I don't mean myself)
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kinda me :3
except that i dont do it the way i wanna recieve it i do it the way the one recieving wants
i just wanna make my partners happy >w<
im a subservient people-pleasing puppy :3
I feel seen. I rarely switch and if I do, I know there are some thing that I like and try on my partner and I know that gets them going because it does for me (well I'm mostly right about that, at least to the 2 sexual partners I've ever had.).
Never met someone who is fully top though and couldn't experience it for now.
Third option: Power Bottom
lol, I've recently started training my wife to top, mostly to help with her self confidence outside the bedroom, and I've gotta say ... I'm getting a LOT more out of the experience than I thought I would
This is kind of the opposite for me.
When I was younger I used to switch, but really always preferred being a bottom.
Nowadays I just wanna be a sub; If someone doesn't like that I can find another woman who will.
I’m actively transforming as we speak
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