TW: Emotional abuse, suicide mention, mental health stigma.
About a month ago I left a document from one of my therapists in my closet, and my mother read it while I wasn't at home. She just asked me if I was going to psychology. I told her that I did, but those were personal matters, and I wasn't comfortable sharing them with her.
Today, the subject appeared again shortly after I woke up: she insulted me and questioned my choice of going to therapy.
These are some of the things she told me:
-
Original: «Qué depresión ni qué hijueputas.»
Translation: "Screw this depression bullshit." -
Original: «¿Usted le parece muy bonito estar tomando pastillas?»
Translation: "Do you think it's fun to be taking pills?" -
Original: «La depresión es su estado de ánimo; póngale el pecho a la vida.»
Translation: "Depression is just your mood; just suck it up and face life head-on." -
Original: «Cuando su papá murió, usted era mayor de edad.»
Translation: "You were already an adult when your father died." -
Original: «Ahora solo faltaba que estuviera loco…»
Translation: "All that was missing was for you to be crazy…"
The document was a short summary of the things that were/are affecting me. It was basically a small rant about how since my father passed away due to a stroke, we have very little time, and we need to work overtime in the family business. And she is more irritable and hostile towards me. How she downplays my problems. My loneliness about being single for a very long time and how useless being unemployed makes me feel.
My treatment is exclusively non-pharmaceutical; I have never had an appointment with a psychiatrist. She is making stuff up and making unfair assumptions.
One of my cousins seems depressed as well and has expressed suicidal ideations when upset. She has told me that if he's actually depressed, he should actually jump from a building or hang himself instead of complaining and crying about it.
I dismissed this freakout and started crying about it when I was finally alone. I have been feeling awful all day, and I'm starting to think I should go away as soon as I get hired for a job. It has been an absolutely grinding and soul-crushing experience with hundreds of rejected job applications; I don't feel comfortable living with her anymore.