Trans Memes

The cis urge to get addicted to trans memes™!

Was talking with a classmate and we were discussing sexuality, especially mine. We came to the conclusion that I am pansexual. Then she asked me a question about gender and that's when it all crashed. Now I'm slowly but surely transitioning.

through the last of my high school years I just began to feel like shit, very depressed. couldn't put a reason to why or how, so I never got help for it. my thoughts became dangerous but I couldn't just... leave I had people that needed me and loved me too much for that. but still... it never changed the fact that I felt like I was living in third person.

traditional "guy" friendships were ones I never understood. I always had an easier time talking with girls my age, and especially when I clarified that I was aroace. I'm lucky that barrier could be broken from the get-go, but I still didn't feel complete.

in the mirror, I never saw a person that I actually loved. no matter what I wore or how I styled my facial/head hair, I was always doing it for someone else. I was trying to emulate what should've looked good, not what made me feel good.

seeing the hatred around trans people sprouting up around the U.S., I never understood it. my logic was, if they aren't hurting anyone, why is it an issue? and also being glad I wasn't being subjected to that hate. still... seeing other MTFs... no. that can't be me. I wouldn't even look good as a girl. I already look too masc. where would I start? that would uproot everything in my life. there's too much to lose...

I put up a good (bad?) fight. I suppressed those thoughts for nearly three years. nonetheless, two months after I turned 18, I was up far too late in the night and I tried on some different clothes. from there, it all came crashing down.

and now here I am. shaky, but sure of myself.

:3

I don't really have much to say here because i don't like the term "woman" for myself ... it feels totally wrong that there are such categories as "men" and "women" in the first place. It's like a whole artificial divide for no fucking reason. People are just fucking dumb. (No insult to you or anything, just a general vent)

Anyways, i think of people more as a "feature vector" and the things that are important to me are efficiency, not being bold/arrogant, and most importantly not being a fucking huge asshole.

Since "men" in today's society is mostly defined as "somebody who is being an asshole intentionally for no fucking reason", well, that's not what i identify as.

Have been feeling envious of girls ever since I hit puberty. Hated my facial and body hair. Didn't know what to do with these feelings so I just pushed them down and ignored them. Learned to kind of live with them and forgot about it for a while. Played female characters in video games and ttrpgs to relieve some of the disphoria. But the thoughts and feelings didn't go away, in fact they got 'worse'. Felt a strange kinship with trans people and lesbians. Eventually I admitted to myself that I'm not a man but didn't give it more thought. "Maybe I'm just non-binary." At this point I already knew I was trans deep down but I didn't let myself know. I lived in denial for 3 more years. Then about a month ago all the resistance I put up finally broke down under the weight and I accepted myself as trans. I'm almost 25 now.

It's so good to finally be able to be honest with myself and let these feelings flow without guilt. Now I'm slowly trying to figure out what to do next. I'm super grateful to have a supportive girlfriend and an amazing queer friend group.

Love to all of my trans siblings out there! <3

There... were signs... always were;

Then, had to learn there is such an option in general, such transition thingy exist, what does it means... (side quest: learn the queer word)

Then had to learn I may want it...

Then, had to learn I had the signs and what does that mean...

Then, had to learn, my place of living is not so friendly...

Then, had to learn, ppl don't care shitty, unfriendly place, and still are brave and proud...

Then, had to learn, I may be brave and proud one day...

Then, had to learn a ways how to achieve it, then re-learn, coz much stuff were outdated, as we live quite fast, and things changes, yet system is still much unfriendly...

Finally, had to learn proper and actual way of doing it... (for my place, it may be about going right E/T doc, ask what the E/T provider require to provide a receipt, as may be nothing, or may be dramas, insults or simply scam, maybe get request to go to one of many possible written documents from another doc, some kind of mind doc, one of few possibilities)...

Still have to learn how to pass some downs after hitting walls, many walls, it's weekend today, the next step place is off today, but tomorrow... tomorrow will be the day,,,

I remember as a child wanting to dress as a girl. This was met with violent rejection by my family for the most part. I learned quickly as my personality was forming that parts of it were dangerous and scary, and to never show those parts. As I grew media showed me that Trans people were at best mentally ill, but most often paraded as sick, dangerous freaks. I felt like girls were more interesting, but I was just a boy.

I identified as male most of my life, but I resented it. Men just dont look good, arent interesting to look at, so what's the point of nice clothes? Male spaces are toxic, sports are boring, but of course im a guy so im not allowed in the girl spaces I wish I could be in. When I was a teenager I discovered anime, specifically ranma 1/2, and holy shit did i wish I could just turn into a girl. Still a guy though.

Everything developed into fetishism, because I learned that what I was feeling and doing was perverted. And the only spaces where it was expressed was through kinky spaces. I got lucky in that I found a long-term relationship that allowed me to express myself, and explore the feminine part of me. But I was still a guy.

As an adult I was vaguely dissatisfied with things. I was in a great relationship, still am. But I hated playing, dressing up or whatever because I would always have to put it away to go out into the real world. I remember my spouse once asked me how I felt during a scene, am I a boy or a girl in the moment? and I was annoyed because the thought I had was that im a girl, always a girl. Still didnt get it.

One day im driving along having a conversation with myself as I do when im driving. It was a conversation I've had many times wondering about certain quirks of my creative process. But this time a little subconcious voice popped into my head to answer. It said "maybe you do that because its the only time you can ever feel entirely like a girl." And i said, "what?" And my subconscious said, "okay bye!" As thousands of connections hit all at once in my brain.

Now I know, but im terrified of it. Im middle aged, and my whole life Trans people were freaks. Thats obviously wrong, but I chose the worst time to figure it out. Because the country i live in has decided to use Trans kids as a bludgeom of what's wrong with society. Im trying to live more authentically but I feel isolated. Therapy is helping, and I recommend it if you can get access to help. But I have a lifetime of toxicity to unravel.

I was 36 and saw a random Discord message talking about how they "were male due to momentum" and said to myself "hey that's me!" By the time I had finished that thought I was ready to slam my head through my door, how could I have been so blind? So within a week I had checked the info I needed and ordered gel and started my journey. It's been a few years now and I'm happier and healthier than ever, really just wish I had started earlier, but oh well.

I was viciously transed against my will by TotallyNotJessica's memes.

I actually just let myself try being the slightest bit femme "just to see how I'd feel" and it felt so good it shattered my whole conception of myself.

I spent a lot of my life not really liking my body and feeling ambivalent about relationships and love nothing really did anything for me.

While i was working graveyard shift at a retirement home i was helping one of my residents get to bed and she pulled me aside she brought back plastic beads for all the caregivers, she put them on me tilted her head and said wow that's beautiful.

It was like getting hit by a truck i had to leave i was so flustered it felt like my face was melting and my heart wouldn't stop racing.

It took a lot after that for me to realize the full extent and getting on meds for diabetes helped a lot with other stuff that had been missed but i still think about that simple compliment.

It was when Madeline from celeste taught me how to dash twice

Well, I became obsessed with yuri fan art and felt sad I could never be in a sapphic relationship, which somehow wasn't enough to realize.

Then I cried when watching a video of a male YouTuber coming out as gay and couldn't figure out why.

Then PhilosophyTube (before they came out as trans) explained what being transgender was with clam chowder.

And finally that PhilosophyTube video led me to Contrapoints which was the final nail in the coffin.

It's weird, it's not like I never heard of the concept of trans people before, but it just felt like any attempt I made to explore those feelings were immediately suppressed by my brain until it was presented in video essay format.

I didn't figure it out until I was an adult. I knew something was going on, but I thought it's just something to do with me being ace. I knew transfolks existed, but I didn't think I was one, since I didn't see myself as a man nor a woman (which should have been a big hint in itself but hey). Then I found out that not having gender is a real possibility and immediately knew what I was, and transitioned after few years. Having words for things is incredibly important

I microdosed some LSD while home alone one night and decided I needed to shave my face. Looked in the mirror once I was done and thought “oh wow, she looks nice :)” and then proceeded to softlock myself for 5 minutes

Called a friend who is also trans immediately after at like 2AM in a panic and she helped talk me through my thoughts and feelings, and within a couple weeks I managed to accept it

Anyway, several years later and now we’re dating and live together and very very gay :3

Lived for like 18 years thinking it was just a "fetish" and it will eventually stop. Meanwhile I was increasingly depressed of the fact that I wasn't born a girl but also "surely is an obsession I can't control" to the point that in retrospective doesn't make a lot of sense. Let's say trans people aren't well perceived here (or represented) so, internalized transphobia did it's part too. Was due an MLP Fanfic that I had to confront myself and it took me like another two or three years of internal conflict to accept that, in fact, if my three genie wished are "being born a girl" and the button press between "a billion" and "being a girl" were always the same and indeed it was not a very cis thing think, then I might be trans.

Now I'm utterly afraid of the process of HRT, its outcome (not passing) and the immediate social, physical and mental danger it poses nowadays.

But at least I know the root of all my anxiety, depression, and what later on learnt was called "dysphoria".

I spent my life thinking I should have been a girl/woman. One day I realised I was.

Of course, it was a bit more of a journey than that makes it sound, but that's the gist of it

When I worked in retail some customers would approach me from the back to ask me something and because I have long hair they would call me "moça" (miss or lady in portuguese) before seeing my face. It made me feel a sparkle inside me and I started questioning myself.

Actual trans knowledge: About 7 or 8 years ago I found an egg discord and hung out there learning until I was sure I had the right answer.

Earliest major clue: Saw Beetlejuice when I was 6 and really wanted to try on the red dress Lydia wears at the climax of the film. That night while I was lying in bed, moonlight falling through lacy curtains cast a shadow on my arm that looked like a long black lace glove, and I was absolutely fascinated by it.

I'm a child of moonshadow.

My last ever girlfriend asked me, after we had broken up, Do you think you are a girl? I said yes. I had convinced myself that for years I had this shameful fetish. That liking feminine things and clothes and such was some perversion. Once the lightbulb came on, I started looking at all of these “shameful” things I had done. Things from my childhood actually made sense.

I’ve lost a lot by being the real me, but I’d still do it again.

I went to college and met a transfem enby, making me realize just how cool trans people were and how much affinity I had for them. I then explored trans spaces on Reddit for a couple years, finally feeling like I found my people even though I didn't think of myself as one of them.

Then I found egg_irl, and my goodness did it scare me. Being around out and proud trans people was fun, but the serious notion that I could be one of them was so terrifying that I avoided it like the plague. It felt like discovering an infohazard that was bad for me in some way. However, I just couldn't keep myself from coming back; like I couldn't look away; like some supernatural force was calling to me.

The biggest reason for my doubt was that I never once consciously wanted to be another gender growing up. I only knew that I was miserable, and while I wanted to want to be a girl, I didn't have enough experience to know I wanted to be a girl. What I was able to accept was that I hated being a man, as I did have reference for what that was like.

After finally getting more comfortable with the idea of being trans, I finally decided to try identifying as nonbinary. The few people I did tell helped me confirm that I was not cis, as I was really happy when they didn't treat me as a man. However, it was only when I experimented with femininity that my eyes were opened to what I really wanted. While I got to crossplay in videogames before, feeling like a woman in irl social situations just felt undeniably right, even moreso than not being a man.

Having actual experience that was impossible to ignore eventually tore through all the doubt and fears. The shell was finally obliterated when I imagined being a mom in depth and realized that it made me more happy than any future I imagined for myself as a man. Not only was my perspective on having kids completely rewritten, I finally graduated from denial to the closet.

i deffo knew as a child and just didn’t have the words for it. and then being raised in a conservative area, i was hilariously malinformed about anything remotely queer.

i was probably late teens/early 20s when i finally started breaking down all the internalized shame bullshit. the catalyst was just talking to queer folk and going “o fuck it’s me”

community is really important.

A woman in customer service over the phone a few years ago called me ma'am and i didn't correct her. The whole conversation i kept thinking omg omg i like this alot.

It took me a good year and a half to figure out why that phone call made me happy.

I am incredibly glad that i gave myself the space and confidence to discover who i have always been and to take action to affirm my true self.

we were very bigoted and racist online, but still liked lesbian relationships, and really wanted to be in one. we saw an artwork of astolfo making out with another boy, and initially thought they were girls. upon learning they were male, we went "oh... honestly, still super hot. wait, i'm a boy, i should do that!"

had a brief coming as a femboy, then fast forward a couple weeks and we do not even identify as male.

we experimented with some feminine clothing we had access to and really loved it. we also thought to the euphoria we felt one time when we were referenced as "daughter" and began to think about what our gender really was. it was still hard to accept that we weren't male, so we opted for the designation of bigender, although genderfluid was probably the better descriptor for what we believed we were hehe (lots of exposure to queer people, but not a lot of actual knowledge at the time). this continued on for a few months. family also being nonbinary made us feel a lot better, even if we didnt talk about it to them for years.

then, we realized that being male just isnt us in any capacity, and after some internal debate we settled on being a girl. we accepted that we weren't even really sure what gender actually is, but dressing femme and being called a girl sounded nice so we went with that.

when my roomies married i was giga stressed to find an outfit, that i liked. i didn't. i was super weirded out by the suit-or-dress-situation. i was upset, that i did not feel comfy around my friends, at all. a day after the party it all fell a part i did not try to explain, why i wouldnt wear a dress, but think about that i'd like to ... then i decided hrt. this whole night felt like i had a revelation. there was no reasoning, no recognising; there was just an unknown self making itself heared for the first time.

Figured it out back in the 90's and went into denial while I lived in envy of trans women for another 20 years.

rosado from fire emblem engage made me start dressing feminine then I realized that I like being a girl more than being a femboy so that week long stint was gone already

I knew I was nonbinary but then I decided I wanted to transition and felt like the term trans fits me as well, I sorta picked up the term because I feel like it describes what I already knew :3