You do shit you don't like to do, but you have to, in order to live.
this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2026
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Mental Health
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I felt like a real adult at 27.... I can't quite explain what it was but I had a distinct feeling of like "oh I'm really like getting used to this life thing now, this is it, this is what you do". I went back to uni so I was still at uni then for what it's worth.
I think growing up and being an adult is about truly understanding that you are actually responsible for yourself, for your impact on the world, and for your community. It's so easy to make excuses and let yourself off the hook for your shitty behaviour and generally want to pretend that you're a child again.
An adult holds themselves accountable for what they do and understands that they and only they are responsible for what they do. And off the back of that, your duty towards yourself and others.
I firmly don't agree that growing up means you find everything really boring. That's being stuck in a rut (maybe). I think sometimes going through the motions of " being a responsible adult" (and of course the eviscerating consequences of capitalism) can lead you into "bed>travel>work>travel>slump>bed>travel>work>travel>slump etc" which kind of creates a rut.
Finally big changes where I felt very different in my life...? I'm now 42. Something that I can't explain distinctly happened at 40. It was two sided.
My self-esteem strengthened in a really nice way where I was like hang on a minute.... I've been working in and around my career for 20 years now.... I might actually know what I'm talking about and I don't need to be cagey about having decent ideas. So I stopped being like ' oh maybe you could do X , I might not be right 🥺' and moved into ' you probably want to do this, you could try it this way or that way'.
I have unbelievably run out of fucks in a very positive but slightly life devastating way because I absolutely won't be put up with feeling shat on.
And if people around me have a problem with me saying hey the way you treat me makes me feel a bit shat on, then they can just shuffle right the fuck out of my life!
This is a problem when it's your partner and your oldest friends but breaking patterns means your pattern gets disrupted. It's not great and I'm not pretending I haven't felt some real despair and the 2025 wasnt basically terrible to go through but I feel so much better for asserting my needs and reducing all the friction I used to put up with where I used to try and just deal with stuff instead of just going oh I don't want to do this. I'm able to feel excited about where I might be going. I also feel extremely scared about being alone a lot of the time.
So this is my current big shift.
Thanks for your sharing, I am only 23 now. I still afraid of what will happen in the future. Maybe I am pessimistic. But now I am eager for finding a job which I would die for it as my life-career.
The future is scary and confusing. I'm still pretty scared about my future too but I just keep trying to do my best and put one foot in front of the other, moving towards things that will help me and not make my life harder.
Don't worry about being pessimistic. "Good vibes only" it's such a toxic approach - I prefer neutrality for things that I find a bit emotionally overwhelming... Just describing and identifying what I need to do about it, not worrying about if I see it as good or bad.
I hope you find your career! I love working in education and it probably brings me more happiness than anything. Do you know if you want to work with people, things, ideas or something else?
Growth, especially mental health, is an endless journey. Sometimes it takes a while for you to notice a change, sometimes you never notice it. The biggest thing to growing though is taking the step of just wanting to feel better and doing what you can to facilitate that.
When you drop an ice cube on the floor and pick it up and put it in the sink instead of kicking it under the refrigerator.
For me, it's being excited to receive socks as a Christmas gift.
More broadly, I felt like a "real adult" at 30. I still don't feel like I have it all figured out, though. Still struggle. Just different from childhood/teen years.
What is "real adult" which means you stop screaming anymore?
Yeah, that's rough. I don't know if there's ever a "grow out of it" for mental health, just better days and worse days.
Oof.
You never do. You will always have things you need to mature on.
But you may get moments where you realize you are a very different person and start to mature or develop more deliberately.
To reply more to the OP, settling into a routine is definitely not the same thing as growing up, although they can happen at the same time.
Routines are fine but also limiting, and maybe that's what you're feeling. Breaking out of routines tends to lead to growth and change, but at a cost.
coming out from comfort zone!
When instead of wishing you were older, you start wishing you were younger.
There's a long period in between when you're not wishing for either.
The "mid-life crisis", whenever it happens, starts the wishing-you-were-younger phase. At first, it's noticing that younger people are rejecting you for being "old", but you don't feel any older. Then you start to feel older, and, hopefully, you gracefully accept that you are. In spite of that, though, you are still yourself--the difference seems to be in everyone else.
That is why old people yell at clouds. No one else will listen.
Its kinda funny but as a kid I had more in common with people older kids until around high school but that is when there started being honors courses and such and people in my major where not to different than me so I sorta was more in line with my age but as I got older it sorta flipped to where I felt I had more in common with young people. So like 1-13: older, then 14-26: about same, 27-40: younger. I still kinda have more in common with folks somewhat younger than I but I as I get older, and im not sure if its me or the world, I kinda sick of everything. In some ways I feel more like my gen was portrayed as teenagers in my old age than I was like when a teenager.
keep young
Don't. It's a scam.
Funny… I’ve had the exact opposite experience. The older I get, the less angsty, anxious, and angry I get.
For me it's closely related to my recovery from CPTSD, so it's not reaching maturity so much as correcting childhood maladaptations.
Recognizing triggers and practicing emotional regulation are huge. Too bad there are plenty of adults who never get to that point.