"I am recording this message as testimony in case I die tomorrow April 20th 2026. It is not an accident. Johan the noisy upstairs neighbor who throws cigarette butts onto my balcony and yelled at my kids for laughing too loud may have poisoned me. Do not let him get away with it."
this post was submitted on 19 Apr 2026
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Sounds like you better get him before he gets you.
Nah, he's harmless. I just want to cause him problems post mortem.
I'll be including him in my post mortem notes too. We have to pile on him from many different points across the globe
Distributed Death of Self Attack
I love you, Dad.
We're low-contact and he's had some health scares. It's a sensitive relationship, but I still love him.
Say it to him now. No time like the present.
Just for causing anarchy... Tell your mom "I love you dad".
Telling my family the passwords for my bank account. Should be pretty obvious why I haven't said it yet
i don't think they're supposed to make transactions with your online account after your passing, may be seen as fraud, must go through probate court instead. if you got joint account owners, they can uses their passwords to make transactions
That's something you'll never have to do. In fact you shouldn't do that. The money will be passed to next of kin like other property. Whereas if the family member transfered the money out it would be treated more like fraud.
Just make a will?
Maybe not bank accounts but I might like to share some of my online accounts; places where I stored brainstormed ideas and such.
I've said enough. Sometimes too much. I'm more likely to regret what I said, but I've pretty much made peace with myself and my mistakes. What's done is done.
This. I barely have a filter as it is!
I doubt I'd regret nothing as I would be dead.
Mekka lekka hi, mekka heiny ho!
Whew! Glad I got that off me chest!
Tell my wife I said "Hello".
What could make a man go..... neutral?
It's a beige alert!
A bunch of fuck you's to a bunch of people.
I haven't said them because I'm not interested in the drama that would follow.
But it would feel really good right at the end before you peace out
“And there we go. I’ve successfully stolen all of Elon Musk and JK Rowling’s wealth and used it specifically to donate to transgender youths charities.”
I haven’t said it because I have yet to accomplish it.
Not much really, maybe not telling my partner how to maintain the tank for our axolotl.
What the hell does your axolotl run on?
With her behaviour I am starting to suspect she runs on an alternating schedule of a huge amount of weed followed by brief periods of crystal meth.
Apologies to some people. Haven't given them because sometimes it's not the right thing to just pop back into their life. Giving them no contact is the next best thing to telling them I was wrong and that's what they'd prefer.
I never hated you. I've just been disappointed in the choices you have made that led you to become the person you are today. you were always my hero, until you stopped caring.
to my older brother who has surrounded himself with white trash MAGA centric people and has become an unfathomable closet racist.
I haven't said it, because it would probably remove any possibilities of seeing each other again.
growing up I always kind of looked up to him. he had to deal with more fucked up shit from both my parents than I ever had to. I admired his spirit to never give up and to continue moving forward.
then one day, he just kind of settled. I think he just was afraid of being alone. thing is, he's surrounded himself with empty husks of human beings that use him. he's still alone, just alone with parasites.
I love you
I never said it because I never felt that way about anyone. My family doesn't count.
Maybe you are an avoidant type?
Curious. I love you and I never even met you.
"Burn my ebook reader in a consecrated fire, that it might follow me into the afterlife. Don't forget the charger cable."
Actually, nothing, but perhaps I wish I had said some things more often?
Can you put on a condom?
"I won the big lottery?!"
I haven't.
Lottery culture is insane now in my country, britain. I was raised to never engage in gambling but they now have lotteries you can enter for free and ones that your neighbours can enrol your neighbourhood in. In many ways, britain still tries to be capitalist HQ
Is it insane? Never bought a lottery ticket and I don't think my parents ever did either. I don't think I know anyone who buys them on a regular basis, my partner sometimes gets a ticket when there is a big one? I don't really know how it works but that is the impression I get anyway.
I don’t think I know anyone who buys them on a regular basis
Seems to be a lot of peope that do the postcode one, and the fact that ~~it's~~ traditional lotto is so pushed in shops, and the fact it manages to keep rewards so high, suggests that a lot of people buy-in to it. Plus almost every neighbourhood high-street where I live has a betting house - I guess that's an improvement though, because there used to be one for every neighbourhood.
By any chance are you in a highly deprived area? Nicer places generally don't have as many betting shops
Baby come back! (Do do do do do,) You can blame it all. On me!
None, I speak my mind
Having said or having done?
WUBBALUBBADUBDUB!