Jesus was a short mf.
this post was submitted on 05 Apr 2026
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I think a big part of his story is that his mother wasn't fucked actually
Technically, Mary concieved a child with the Holy Spirit, and Jesus is the Holy Spirit who is God.
Technically, god raped mary so god could give birth to himself, so he could sacrificed himself to himself, to save us from himself. All very basic stuff.
I like that the holy spirit only makes one appearance to fuck Mary and then fucks right off for the rest of the stories. I think he/it cameos once during the flood but otherwise no relevance to the plot whatsoever.
E: Looked it up and the Holy Spirit does appear as a deus ex machina throughout the books, so there's that.
The flood is way before though. Some people try to retcon a big cameo when John the Baptist (whom Jesus even calls his fucking superior) baptized Jesus.
I have just now realised it that perhaps "The Holy Spirit" is a different way of saying "God cum"
Just your average rapist flood enjoyer ghost character 🤷🏻
The side profile doesn't show it, but carrying the cross gave Jesus severe scoliosis.
And give me scoliosis until I comatosis and that's my commandment you ain't gotta ask Moses
Most historical figures would be short by our standards. Modern diets and easy availability of cheap nutrition have added multiple inches to the average height - several when compared to civilizations where famines were common (see pictures of the Korean DMZ with North Korean soldiers next to South Korean ones).
Isn’t it almost universal that as long as resources are plentiful, organisms drift toward larger sizes?
Not always, usually it's an evolutionary arms race though. Recent paper I thought was really cool suggests the initial jump from single to multicellular happened because of a snowball Earth which changed the water temperature and therefore viscosity, making larger size equate to more efficient swimming.
Historically, he was probably five foot nothing.
Without a fan he will become uncomfortable and begin to smell
After water to wine, farts to fabreeze is ezpz
This joke keeps getting funnier to me
Yeah it snuck up on me, not realizing it at first what it was, but it continues to get better rather than most memes which can get dumb and annoying quickly. Better for me because I took forever getting the joke until I stumbled on it finally.
Inaccurate, evidence makes it more probable that he was buried in a mass grave.
With the behavior of modern Christians the guy would probably beg to be put back in.
He's a short king (of the jews)
Is there a strength competition somewhere, where people challenge themselves to escape from Jesus' death cell and move the boulder?