this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2026
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X: Ok agent Wilson, I assume you’ve been fully briefed on this mission. All that’s left is to walk you through your equipment. Let’s start with your survival kit.

W: Survival kit my ass! I don’t need that nonsense.

X:Well you’re only half wrong there Wilson.

[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 days ago

Gonna need it waaay up there.

Rick telling morty to put a giant seed up his ass

[–] abbotsbury@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago

In prison they call that a suitcase

[–] Catoblepas@piefed.blahaj.zone 73 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Shoving a palm sized capsule up my ass for the motherland 🫡🇺🇸

[–] truthfultemporarily@feddit.org 51 points 3 days ago (2 children)

They probably conducted a study to find maximum tolerable size.

[–] CameronDev@programming.dev 48 points 3 days ago (1 children)

And then went 10% larger, because true patriots can take it all.

[–] nightshade@piefed.social 31 points 3 days ago (2 children)

That's what all the training is for.

[–] wizzor@sopuli.xyz 5 points 2 days ago

No pain no gain.

[–] luciole@beehaw.org 2 points 2 days ago

ain't training if it ain't stretching

[–] edinbruh@feddit.it 5 points 3 days ago

I'm sure it would be bigger than that...

[–] trk@aussie.zone 14 points 3 days ago

Or just for fun!

[–] wizzor@sopuli.xyz 77 points 3 days ago

You can't just post something like this without including a purchase link!

[–] SeductiveTortoise@piefed.social 57 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] einfach_orangensaft@sh.itjust.works 19 points 2 days ago (2 children)

thats not a lot of storage space....strech em out a bit more and they they may can fit a radio set and a powerbank too

[–] kerrigan778@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

For a 1960s powerbank and radio you're gonna need a real elastic anus.

(Brand new sentence right there)

[–] islandcoda42@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 day ago

elastic anus

Band name!!

[–] einfach_orangensaft@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The RS-59 is modular so with multiple trips it probably could be done

https://www.cryptomuseum.com/spy/rs59/

tho that encoder gona be probably making some agents cry a bit

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

A true patriot develops megacolon and then deals with the chronic constipation, so they can hide even a folable pistol and ammunition!

[–] OmegaMouse@pawb.social 24 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Does it come with CIA branded lube?

[–] ThunderQueen@lemmy.world 23 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I mean, unironically this, among other projects, did probably necessitate that the military develop or at least test and commission different personal lubes.

[–] OmegaMouse@pawb.social 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Wish I got paid to test lube and shove things up my butt for the CIA!

[–] ThunderQueen@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

I was going to make a joke about them testing it at gitmo but they def arent using lube in there

[–] Cevilia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 2 days ago

A true patriot doesn't need lube

[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 33 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Does it not need a flared base?

[–] Sv443@sh.itjust.works 35 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'm assuming you'd want it to stay hidden even when getting a cavity search. Double rounded tip means it's only a matter of time before it will leave on its own.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 2 days ago

Hopefully...

[–] WizardofFrobozz@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 days ago

Without a base, without a trace

[–] aeiou@piefed.social 22 points 2 days ago

Sometimes I see these and I wonder if someone there is just having a laugh.

haha they'll totally believe we gave people butt knives

[–] Maxxie@piefed.blahaj.zone 30 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Didn't know I was training to be a CIA agent 🤔

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

We're going to need a lot of firepower. send in Secewet Agent Owo

[–] YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today 5 points 2 days ago

Now I'm imagining an e girl furry fetish onlyfans content creator coming out and blasting lasers out her but. So thanks for that.

[–] javiwhite@feddit.uk 4 points 2 days ago

20 years is a long time to have that up there... 

[–] DenimFootpath@lemmy.dbzer0.com 24 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I tried to swipe to the next image for longer then I’d like to admit

[–] Ghostie@lemmy.zip 13 points 3 days ago

I tapped the arrow on the right. I’m a fool.

[–] kivihiili@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

is that plastic body safe?

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

1960s-80s, so no.

[–] Sv443@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 days ago

Now where did I put my lipstick again? Right..

[–] Toneswirly@beehaw.org 7 points 2 days ago (2 children)

But like, how do you get it back out?

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 2 days ago

The extraction process is the real pita.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 days ago

Or what if you have bad gas? You could kill someone with you ass cannon.

[–] sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

50/50 whether they put this in a dog or a person