this post was submitted on 03 Mar 2026
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Had a first disappointing contact to a psychiatrist (piefed.blahaj.zone)
submitted 14 hours ago by Eskarina@piefed.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Hey everyone,

so yeah, yesterday I went to a psychiatrist that's been referred to me by a local trans support center. They said he'd have relatively low waiting times, I got the appointment after waiting another month in that shit male body of mine. Read a bit about that psychiatrist, there have been some bad experiences by some clients, but the general consensus seemed to be that he does give people what they need eventually. And what I need right now is access to gender-affirming healthcare, starting with HRT.

I've been really anxious about this appointment, but the last few days that mostly dissolved and I became really hopeful. After all, the support center even said I should also make an appointment with a gynecologist or endocrinologist right away so that I wouldn't have to wait for that appointment as well. Now I have to cancel it.

The appointment has been a reality check. He said he's never giving anyone the go after a single session. He's working after some fucked guidelines that expect trans people to live as their felt gender for a whole fucking year without HRT. I was pretty shaken after this and he let through that it might be sooner, but I'd at least have to wait til midyear.

Really eyeing DIY rn, but I'm scared that would bring me further away from other gender-affirming care and the psychiatrist let me in the dark about whether he'd proceed working with me if I'd go that route.

I fucking hate this. I've been waiting almost 30 years to finally find out who I am, suffering from depression, anxiety and addiction, and now I have to keep on waiting and waiting and keep on suffering because some entitled white coats think they'd have to gatekeep my cure, "to make sure it's not just a phase". I'm a grown woman and able to make up my own mind about my gender, ffs. Got the saddest and angriest I've been since cracking my egg. Would've loved to just break down crying when going home, but had to wait until I journeyed home.

There's no doubt that I'll get through this, because for the first time in my life I'm looking into the future with the hope of actually living a happy life. It's ironic, I've never been able to fight depression and addiction long-term, I was waiting for something and didn't know what it is. Now that I finally know what it is I'm forced to keep on waiting. Another bit of irony, in earlier therapies I've been pressed to get on antidepressants even though I never felt comfortable about this. Now the right medicine is sitting right there and I have to fight to even get a chance to try it.

Ugh, hope your week started better than mine.

Feel free to share, especially interested in experiences and advice from german trans women, but everyone is welcome. I do realize I'm somewhat complaining on a high level here, at least I got an actual shot at getting the care I need eventually, the care we'd all deserve.

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[–] Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.org 12 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (1 children)

Honestly just go DIY for now and lie to the psychiatrist. We are unfortunately living in a transphobic af world. You won't really have a choice in the matter of studying up on stuff like dosage yourself anyways.

Can really recommend transfemscience.org for that.

Edit: just be aware that an endocrinologist will probably do some blood work before they give you official hrt and some might not like you having gone the diy route.

Also there might be an issue with the Krankenkasse (assuming you are in germany) wanting proof that you aren't intersex if you later wanna get srs. My endo sent my initial blood works as proof but there should be other ways.

[–] Eskarina@piefed.blahaj.zone 5 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Ugh, so far I lived my life with the "never lie to a doctor or lawyer" idea, guess it's time to reconsider. I should further improve my knowledge, regardless of the route I pick. Only covered the basics so far and naively hoped I could just work with a health professional as intended.

Thanks for another source and further info. Will talk to the gynecologist on Monday and probably make a decision after that. I think I'd be okay with initial blood work, if the goal is clear.

[–] Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.org 4 points 9 hours ago

I hear you and remember feeling the same! However I have come to find that most healthcare professionals are clueless when it comes to trans healthcare.

My endo initially wanted me to take 100-times the dosage that is recommended!! Only thing that saved me from that was knowing already how much I needed to take.

[–] anothercatgirl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 11 hours ago

you can go to an informed consent clinic, they often prescribe GAHT immediately thru a real doctor, and you can reference that Dr's visit paperwork with future therapists.

[–] phr@discuss.tchncs.de 7 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (2 children)

There's no doubt that I'll get through this, because for the first time in my life I'm looking into the future with the hope of actually living a happy life.

✊🏳️‍⚧️ you will succeed eventually! :)

i'm in germany. i know two therapists in northern germany you might wanna try. both fans of informed consent. maybe they can even help you out via remote therapy. (if you like i'd send you their contacts via pm, bc location ...)

  • first one is pretty much a person to give you his rubberstamp after one or two sessions. but in the region endocrinologist tend to not accept indications from him. so living somewhere else and having an endo somewhere else might be an option.
  • second one is also super trans friendly, does group therapy over half a year, so that it counts for surgeries. an indication for hrt might? be possible earlier.

in both cases, if getting there physically is not an option, asking for remote sessions would at least be an option if you'd be ok with paying yourself? idk ...

[–] Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.org 3 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure I know the second one (J.B.?) and I got my hrt indication from him after the first session. Group therapy is online too so it doesn't really matter where OP lives.

[–] phr@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 12 hours ago

nope. i'll send you mine. ;)

[–] Eskarina@piefed.blahaj.zone 3 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago)

Thank you. Especially the first one sounds really promising to start hormones sooner, would gladly take his contact information or both. Would be a bit of a journey, but would be worth it. Can you give me an idea of the cost I should expect?

Just called the gynecologist I had an appointment with and he suggested I come anyway to get info and see what could be done from his side. Sounded like he might be open to accept an indication like that. He even hinted that "indication is the official way" with some kind of emphasis on official, but not entirely sure what he meant by that. Don't dare to be too hopeful rn.

[–] WillStealYourUsername@piefed.blahaj.zone 8 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

I'm sorry :( that one year wait thing is an old transphobic thing that some doctors and clinics in many parts of the world still do, or in some cases are required to do. I don't think it's actually required in germany so he just sucks.

I can say that DIY has been great for me and many others. There's also imago if you want a somewhat expensive but viable private option on the internet. I know there are doctors in germany that prescribe much quicker than a year also, but you'll need to find other german trans people to suggest them for you.

If you go DIY there's a DIY community here with a stickied post filled with resources and guidelines, and the blåhaj matrix has an active DIY chat. Your GP or a private lab can do blood tests for you so you can do it safely.

Again, I'm sorry you had to go through all this. It's unfortunately very common. I wish we had informed consent in europe.

[–] Eskarina@piefed.blahaj.zone 3 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah, he did say it is a non-binding guideline and if he'd go through giving me access to HRT midyear he would at least use some leeway. It's also a bit weird, he talked about that year and then kinda backpedaled twice, first offered the possibility of three months sooner, then about six months, after seeing how I reacted to that outlook. I'm not sure what to make of this.

What's also a bit confusing is that that psychiatrist was suggested by the trans man I talked to at the support center, specifically for people who want fast access.

Think for now I'll keep hoping that I can get access to HRT through healthcare, kluczyczka's input sounds intriguing. Would really prefer to keep the money for other things that aren't as important as HRT, though. I'm glad that DIY is there as a last resort and that it's working well for you, but it kinda sucks that it has to be there at all... Will probably read a bit more into it anyway.

[–] WillStealYourUsername@piefed.blahaj.zone 6 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)

I absolutely recommend you read the guidelines we follow as they are based on what doctors are supposed to do. Many prescribe low E or high amounts of blockers unnecessarily or other things like that, so knowing what you're supposed to be prescribed is very good and you will know more about what alternatives exist and the drawbacks.

I recommend reading this: https://diyhrt.info/