Ask Lemmy

Ever since my 2nd open heart surgery, I feel as though my memories from before then are kinda mushy and since then I don't know whether my memory formation would be considered normal, so yeah I am worried, too.

I'm in my mid-20s and wonder what's the issue with my brain. It's not such a big issue I need to be checked out, but I'm still curious. Not seeing whether my state health insurance would cover having my brain scanned and tested curious, but curious nonetheless.

I have foggy memories I would love to remember whether they're true or not, but I just don't know where to begin. I mean, I think I went on a road trip with my brother's friends family out of city, but I don't fully remember whether that actually happened or not. Just the feint potential memory of a slanted white basement ceiling with a while pillar holding it up, sunny day, and potentially walking on a TLC desperate road with my brother and his friend. I would ask the friends parents, but I'm not sure they'd remember and it would be kinda awkward to just ask out of the blue since I have zero contact with them.

I have very similar feelings towards my memories. I'd like to tell you why and offer a solution that's been very transformative for me -- and even for those closest to me.

Writing them down is one of the best things you can do here. Maybe for yourself in general, but that's a different rabbit hole.

I'm approaching 30 and it's only for the past couple of years that I've been journalling things consistently. I started after stumbling upon a very old notebook that I used for all sorts of stuff: writing short bits of fiction, making small notes, processing my feelings, doodling, etc. Between that moment and the oldest entry passed maybe 5-6 years at the time -- and I was shocked to find out how much of that I had forgotten to a point that I felt a jolt reading about them; like a memory injected into my brain, suddenly and all at once.

I can't say every single one of them was pleasant, but over the years, each and every one of them felt valuable. I can't imagine what it would feel like to be reading about your past self from 10, 20, 30 years ago -- that's gotta be like reading about someone else entirely, but much weirder, because you know you're the same person.

Write that down. Don't overthink it -- don't look for systems, don't optimize, don't make it pretty. Just write, and in time, you'll find the way that works for you the most.

And backup. You're one accident away from losing years or decades worth of your life's most dearest memories. If you write by hand, either take photos and back them up (multiple times, different mediums), or digitalize them and then do multiple backups as well. I am speaking from experience.

Having this “backstory” (for lack of a better term), is what drives me forward, without those memories, like if I get a concussion and forgot everything, I wouldn’t really be… well… “me” anymore

Emotional memories is how we develop a sense of self. So if you are really attached to who you are then it will be terryfing to loose who you are.

But we can do really wacky stuff with our memories. We can delude ourselfs into makeing new false memories or misremembering them.

Also you constantly get new memories and change who you are, so you aren't the same person as you were years ago.

I have grown up without that sense of self and I had to sculpt one from the ground up. So I am not really terrified of loosing the sens of self as I can make one once again. It will be different but it will still be ME.

Memories are not permanent, it's not their nature.

Honestly, going through and getting therapy and doing the work nowadays, I'm more afraid of the ones I'll find than the ones I'll eventually lose.

Yes, very much so. Everyone here talked at length about this already, but I remembered the book Flowers for Algernon, which, among several other more significant things in the book, talks about this.

I really recomend you read the book before this spoiler, since it kinda kills the moment.

Everytime you access a memory you change it. Create memoirs (journals, pictures, collages) to snapshot them at a point in time.

Its not so bad. Just continue to be your best and continue to improve. Be nice. Be generous, kind, caring, charitable. Go out of your way sometimes to be good to people.

Ive had a few concussions, been knocked out a few times, and 1 traumatic brain injury. (Accident prone). I know im forgetting a bunch, but I cant remember what im forgetting, so it doesn't really affect me generally.

Ive had a fairly eventful life, at times exciting life. Ive been around the world. Done missionary work in Mexico and Peru, helping an orphanage building a well, visiting a youth jail in Mexico. Sailed thd Amazon river bringing medicine/water/supplies/bibles to different villages on the Amazon river. Er...

Thats all to say, if youre a good person and do good things, people will remember and can remind you again later if you forget!

Its dangerous to live shitty acting shitty treating people like shit AND have a bad memory. If you forget who you were shitty to and not watching your back thats trouble. Better to just be remembered as a good guy.

You get used to it.

if I get a concussion and forgot everything, I wouldn’t really be… well… “me” anymore

I get what you mean by this. It's been my theory for a while that your memories are "you", so it's no longer "you" if you lose even half of your memories. You're an entirely different person. Everything that we are, are contained in these memories. If you cloned a person then automatically, they will be a different person from the start. Simply because the memories they make will be different and are no longer identical. It's why I think if someone loses their memories through diseases like Alzheimer's or dementia, it's no longer "them".

Hell, every time you go to sleep, you will wake up an entirely different person. Ship of Theseus style. Your memories and even the cells in your body are slowly being replaced by new ones. So... in a way, every single second of our life, we are no longer the "me" that we were and we are now someone else.

Only one way to save them. Write a diary or a mini biography. Just pick some stories you like and write them down and they become permanent.

I think memory works different for different people. I am nearly 30 and I don't really remember much from elementary school (I mean the general experience, not the knowledge of course), nor a big part of my early life up to like 13-14 years old (but it might be connected to childhood trauma).

I am pretty good at learning new words in foreign languages and other similar stuff though.

yes and no.

I remember everything. well, I guess it's better to say I remembered everything.

until 2020 I remembered everything and had a near 95% recall. after I got covid and stress/anxiety ate away at my sanity it's more like 80% now. My age is also a factor.

remembering everything, every detail, did me more harm than good honestly. all the embarrassing moments in my life from my first class recital in kindergarten where I fucked up my lines to the time a hooked up with a "dead fish".

I'm on the other side of my life now and most the crap I remember isn't worth it.

there are some good memories I'd like to keep, but when I do finally forget them (and I will forget them), I won't even know I forgot anything at all.

Nope, not at all. I never liked making anything 'permanent' and prefer to do temporary things instead, like building sandcastles. Maybe that has something to do with each other

I've 0 recollection of my school years, where I was consistently bullied and harassed. If I can't remember something it's problably for the better.

You have to accept that as a meat machine your memory is imperfect and will fail. I have been tested within the top 1% fir long term memory several times over the course of my youth. Im now 50 and while I could recall most of the first 30-35 years of my life Im beginning to get bad at remembering names of coworkers or when I worked at jobs I held within the last 15 years. Memory loss comes for everyone.