Because it only works on vampires, not zombies.
The Shitpost Office
Welcome to The Shitpost Office
Shitposts processed from 9 to 5, with occasional overtime on weekends.
Rule 1: Be Civil, Not Sinister
Treat others like fellow employees, not enemies in the breakroom.
- No harassment, dogpiling, or brigading
- No bigotry (transphobia, racism, sexism, etc.)
- Respect people’s time and space. We’re here to laugh, not to loathe
Rule 2: No Prohibited Postage
Some packages are simply undeliverable. That means:
- No spam or scams
- No porn or sexually explicit content
- No illegal content
- NSFW content must be properly tagged
If you see anything that violates these rules, please report it so we can return it to sender. Otherwise? Have fun, be silly, and enjoy the chaos. The office runs best when everyone’s laughing.... or retching over the stench, at least.
He's a reverse vampire (makes others drink his blood), so it stands to reason that crosses make him more powerful.
f o r e s h a d o w i n g
He was a big fan of the corporal punishment done by the Romans.
He never assumed he'd be on the receiving end?
Nah, he's into that.

Oh sod off, you love being a stickler. It's very relatable too.
That’s actually not Jesus that’s some white dude, probably a child abuser…
Bit of tangent, but IRC the thing with depictions of Jesus, is that the bible doesn't really describe what he looks like. In early Christianity, depicting Jesus was still considered idolatry. When depictions do become more common, they're often not meant to be an accurate representation of what he looked like.
So when they did started depicting him, they were likely inspired by Greek/Roman gods like Orpheus, Hermes and Apollo. Often with a Zeus beard tacked on and wearing the robes of a Roman emperor.
'Caus J-Bone is fookin' PUNK, that's why! Plus, you can't see it, but that boat has MF truck nuts on the back!
Wibbly wobbly timey wimey.