I love this. The 3/4 waltz rhythm, ending on a solitary 4/4 line, feels like dancing with death, but she is better at it. The "and remember this dream" needs a vinphantom badly. I'm a sucker for vinphantoms, even if they take up space, breaking the line in two, it creates the distance for the second part of the line to land harder than it would have.
Poetry
A community to celebrate published and OC works of poetry.
Welcome to !poetry
Guidelines & Community Rules
In addition to the general rules of lemmy.world:
Published Poetry
1a: Poetry posts should include the title and the author, when the author is known.
O.C. Poetry
2a: Sharing original poetry is encouraged, but it must be preceded by the tag "[OC]."
2b: If an [OC] post is requesting feedback, it should also follow with the "[FB]" tag. It would look like the following example:
[OC] [FB] Nothing Gold Can Stay
Feedback
All feedback should be given in good faith.
3a: All [FB] requests should be met with comments constructive in nature. It is okay to dislike parts of a poem, but make sure to explain why you feel that way.
3b: Feedback does not need to be extraordinary in nature. Simply expressing how a work makes you feel is often enough.
3c: Use the honor system. When you receive good feedback, return it in kind to another author. Everyone appreciates knowing their work is being read and appreciated.
As this community develops, these guidelines may be adjusted.
Formatting Help
Work in progress
To create a line break, use two spaces at the end of a line.
To create empty space, type .
Use four of these at the beginning of a line to create a standard indent.
UPDATE:
Some methods of access do not format markdown correctly. I am currently testing various apps and web interfaces to see what does and does not retain formatting.
In the interim, it is encouraged to post text poetry as you normally would, but to include a link at the beginning or end of the post with access to a website or image that retains the formatting as intended.
Other Poetry Communities
Poetry lovers unite! In the style of the fediverse, multiple poetry communities have arisen, and will continue to rise. I will try to keep a list here of communities across instances that are worth checking out!
Thanks! Glad you liked it. What is a vinphantom? I've never heard the term, and a search didn't turn up anything poetry / meter related.
It's what can be closely described as "\v" vertical tab.
You mean like a text break?
Something...
like this?
Something
Like
This

ah,
I see.
significant whitespace
in prose. delightful.
learned something new today.
you have my thanks.
Almost a haiku, beautiful. Keep creating, my friend.