I am looking for mods!
1. The "good" part of our community means we are pro-empathy and anti-harassment. However, we don't intend to make this a "safe space" where everyone has to be a saint. Sh*t happens, and life is messy. That's why we get things off our chests.
2. Bigotry is not allowed. That includes racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and religiophobia. (If you want to vent about religion, that's fine; but religion is not inherently evil.)
3. Frustrated, venting, or angry posts are still welcome.
4. Posts and comments that bait, threaten, or incite harassment are not allowed.
5. If anyone offers mental, medical, or professional advice here, please remember to take it with a grain of salt. Seek out real professionals if needed.
6. Please put NSFW behind NSFW tags.
This sucks and I hope you navigate it to some sort of satisfactory conclusion.
That said, imagining a non-Chinese drunk dude saying you dishonored your Chinese family is kind of hilarious from a conceptual standpoint. Find joy in the little things if you can.
I laughed too 😂 thanks!
"Pretending to be a young girl in order to commit fraud against your own child brings dishonor to your family."
"Alcoholism brings dishonor to your family."
"Narcissism brings dishonor to your family."
"Put a family picture on your next bottle of alcohol to remind you why you're alone."
I'm genuinely sorry for your situation (coming from someone whose dad never managed to lose the bottle). I hope you can get a restraining order or similar on him
He got mad at me for this and said I betrayed him and brought dishonor to our Chinese family (we’re white Europeans, by the way, with no affiliation to China).
But that part made me actually laugh or loud
Not sure where you are located, but you might be able to get a restraining order of some type, if you wanted that. I am US based, and I know there is a class of restraining orders called Anti-Harassment Orders, some of what he is doing to you could fall under the category of harassment. You would have to file the paperwork yourself at your local court, and there are filing fees, though there are also usually optional forms you can fill out if you are low income and if applicable they will waive the filing fee. If your town has multiple courts (in my town, we have a district court and a superior court), just call one and ask a clerk, they should be able to help you determine which court to file in. You'll want to include any documentation of his behavior, which can include texts, emails, or written testimony from other people (edit to add: photos, too, and if you don't know how to pull messages off your phone, take screen captures of the messages and submit those photos instead), though what is best would be anything that you could definitively prove came from him (like from a phone number or email that is registered in his name). If you are granted the order and he violates it, report that violation to your local PD every time, and continue to document as much as you can so it can be included in the reports. I would imagine if he gets arrested for his bullshit enough times, it may cause him to think twice about trying again.
I know some people don't want to take things like this to court, it can be a stressful experience, especially if the person you are getting an order against gets upset about it (usually being served the paperwork can exacerbate the behavior of the aggravating party). So I totally get it if you don't feel like taking it to court. Just felt like you may want to know that it's an option if you really need it. Sorry you are dealing with this :/
I wish I had something helpful to say but I just feel for you and your family. I can’t imagine how hard that must be. Stay strong.