this post was submitted on 25 Apr 2025
12 points (83.3% liked)

Relationship Advice

2844 readers
42 users here now

Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!

The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.

Please make sure you read our rules before posting.

Rules:

Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.

1: Treat all users with respect. [!]

The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.

2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]

Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.

3: All posts must be a request for advice.

All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.

4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.

Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.

5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.

Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.

6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.

Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.

Reddit reposts are allowed.

As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115

How are rules enforced and bans applied?

For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.

For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:

  • 1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.

  • 2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.

  • 3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.

The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.

Exceptions:

While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.

Related communities:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

be it romantic, friendly, or even sexual harassment, my abuser said i wasn’t even good enough to be sexually harassed.

that i’m autistic and therefore less than human, an animal, a child. i shouldn’t have relationships as a “child” and i’m not even attractive enough or deserving of being kissed, touched, or pat on the shoulder in a friendly gesture.

that i never had to worry abt sexual harassment because i was that gross and autistic.

top 4 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I had someone say something similar to me once. It hurt deeply because I liked her a lot and she knew it.

But just know people like this are trying to be as mean as they can be and sometimes they know what to say to cut you deep. Whether it’s true or not, they know what hits you in the deepest part and they’re trying to inflict damage on you. It’s like a military general picking an area with the most people to bomb because that is precisely where it will cause the most damage.

Don’t pay it any mind. Ignore it. Move on from it. Move on from her. She’s toxic for saying that and not worth your time or just you giving her a thought in the day.

People like this are often miserable and they want to bring someone else down to their level. Don’t let them. It hurts, but try to move on the best you can. That’s the best way to deal with people like this.

The woman who said the similar things to me is now in a very lonely place, herself. After years of letting her step on me and berate me and use me, I finally left her. I realized she needed me more than I needed her and I was ready to find someone who would actually value me for me and not belittle me while relying on me so heavily. She actually reached out to me a few years later to tell me her mom passed away. I didn’t laugh in her face or say anything mean, but it made me realize that she’s lonely and I’m likely the only person she felt close to, to talk to in her grief.

Say all that to say…hang in there. Sorry she said these mean things to you and it cut as deep as it did.

Try your best to move on and rise above it. Don’t dwell on it. Find people who will value you and not belittle you. Realize she’s likely miserable and taking out some of that on you. You can be sympathetic by walking away and letting her be miserable by herself until she matures and doesn’t treat others like this.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago

This guy fucks^

Value yourself. And look for someone else that values there self too, then you can try to share it.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago

My advice is to never contact this person again. A lot of this is probably stemming from their own insecurities, but whatever the cause, you don't talk to people like that. I don't give a shit what you look like, if you talk this way, you're the ugliest person in the room easily.

Keep your head up and try to not let someone else maliciousness get you down too much.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago

Jesus Christ, your abuser is a massive asshole, full offence intended!

Is there any way you could detach yourself from them, for your own sake?