this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2025
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Rough Roman Memes

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A place to meme about the glorious ROMAN EMPIRE (and Roman Republic, and Roman Kingdom)! Byzantines tolerated! The HRE is not.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Explanation: Marcus Aurelius was an Emperor known for his philosophical musings. He was a dutiful man, and his private journal, his Meditations, still exist today. They're an excellent read, a good bit of insight into Greek-originated Stoic philosophy as it existed in the 2nd century AD Roman Empire.

Caracalla was a... rather vicious fellow who, like many Emperors, dreamt of conquering Persia. Unlike many Emperors, Caracalla went so far as to imitate Alexander in style and travel routes, supposedly even equipping over 10,000 men in the Macedonian style (a style of combat which hadn't seen warfare since it was, uh, dismantled by the Roman Legions). He died before ever setting foot in Persia, assassinated by his own men. Probably a good choice, all things considered.

Elagabalus was a teenager who was the high priest of the Syrian Sun God and, at the mature and stable age of 14, became Emperor of Rome by the scheming of their mother and grandmother. It didn't go well, as one might expect. Other than Elagabalus having an unusual (possibly transfemme or NB) gender presentation (something the Romans, who were obsessive about masculinity, did not approve of), they also tried to reform the long-standing religious system of Rome in very... nonintuitive ways. Like replacing Jupiter with the Syrian sun god. And bringing along a black stone to worship as the incarnation of said Syrian sun god.

... don't let your teens become emperors, parents. It never ends up well. Talk to them about the responsible age for rulership before overthrowing the previous government of your polity ๐Ÿ™

[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Don't mind me, got to get some Geta:
A marble bust of the Roman emperor Geta.
*ANGRY CARACALLA NOISES*

...seriously, "Caracalla was fucked up" is an understatement. He killed his brother Geta in the front of their mother. Then he had the Senate trying to remove Geta from history - erasing his name and getting rid of any depiction that they could. (Some stuff survived because come on, this sort of primitive system like dictatorship/emperorship isn't exactly known for being efficient.)

A good example of that is this family portrait:
A Roman portrait showing an adult couple and two children. The face of one of the children is missing.
Mum Iulia Domna, dad Septimius Severus, Geta with the face removed, ~~cheap Geta knock-off~~ Caracalla. ...and the face wasn't just removed, someone smeared literal shit on the vacant space.

[โ€“] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

My favorite Caracalla story is him trying to kill his dad in full fucking view of the army, and pussing out when Septimius Severus turned around.

Then his dad calls him into his tent in private, tosses him a sword, and basically tells Caracalla if he wants to play assassin, now's the time - and Caracalla pusses out again.

Infinite viciousness against the helpless, but couldn't look a man in the eyes as he killed him. What a piece of work.

Here we are - from Cassius Dio:

On another occasion, when both were riding forward to meet the Caledonians, in order to receive their arms and discuss the details of the truce, Antoninus [Caracalla] attempted to kill his father outright with his own hand. They were proceeding on horseback, Severus also being mounted, in spite of the fact that he had somewhat strained his feet as the result of an infirmity, and the rest of the army was following; the enemy's force were likewise spectators. 4 At this juncture, while all were proceeding in silence and in order, Antoninus reined in his horse and drew his sword, as if he were going to strike his father in the back. But the others who were riding with them, upon seeing this, cried out, and so Antoninus, in alarm, desisted from his attempt. Severus turned at their shout and saw the sword, yet he did not utter a word, but ascended the tribunal, finished what he had to do, and returned to headquarters. 5 Then he summoned his son, together with Papinian and Castor, ordered a sword to be placed within easy reach, and upbraided the youth for having dared to so such a thing at all and especially for having been on the point of committing so monstrous a crime in the sight of all, both the allies and the enemy. 6 And finally he said: "Now if you really want to slay me, put me out of the way here; for you are strong, while I am an old man and prostrate. For, if you do not shrink from the deed, but hesitate to murder me with your own hands, there is Papinian, the prefect, standing beside you, whom you can order to slay me; for surely he will do anything that you command, since you are virtually emperor." 7 Though he spoke in this fashion, he nevertheless did Antoninus no harm, and that in spite of the fact that he had often blamed Marcus for not putting Commodus quietly out of the way and that he had himself often threatened to act thus toward his son. Such threats, however, were always uttered under the influence of anger, whereas on the present occasion he allowed his love for his offspring to outweigh his love for his country; and yet in doing so he betrayed his other son, for he well knew what would happen.

[โ€“] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

If this history is accurate (we know how things go, when it comes to old events), Caracalla was perhaps the biggest piece of shit among all emperors. All of them, including Caligula and Nero. That's some feat.