A Boring Dystopia

FritoLay is the top snack brand nationally and holds more than 50% snack market share in dozens of metro areas.

Which I just have to say is astounding considering how trash Frito-Lay's snack products are besides Doritos and Fritos.

• Tostitos are the most inferior fucking tortilla chips I've ever had; they're bland despite being salty as hell, and they're so fragile that they somehow constantly break under the salsa. The salsa, meanwhile, is trash for the price point (and mediocre regardless with zero variety). At over 4 USD per jar, you're getting into "actually decent salsa" range.
• Lay's regular chips are so thin it's like you're biting into air, and the taste is as generic as they come. Baked chips are fine but not special. And the kettle chips are solid enough, but the price point is insane; they aren't nearly good enough when competing kettle chips are much better at that price.
• Ruffles are so greasy that they make me nauseous after not very many, and I have a strong tolerance for oil. I can down an entire family-sized bag of chips in half an hour like it's nothing, and somehow I'd probably turn down a bowl of Ruffles. (Edit: I even checked, and they're greasier but not that much greasier than regular Lay's, so I seriously have no idea what causes this.)
• Rold Gold are pretzels. They exist. They sure do taste like pretzels. Good job, Rold Gold. Anyone else could do what you do.
• Base cheetos are fine I guess. The puffs are just... Why would you ever buy these other than brand recognition? They're not even close to the top for this. Herr's, Jax. And they've been riding the flamin' hot high for years – so much so that PepsiCo shamelessly put it in Mountain Dew at one point. They don't have real flavor; it's just heat for the sake of heat. It's such a middle school snack food.
• I have to give Fritos props for just being a solid, if basic, snack food. Your dad loves them, and he's got a good point.
• Doritos I recognize are absolute trash, but they are hyperpalatable, they don't have a lot of direct competition, and they're clearly the crown jewel in Frito-Lay's lineup. I still think they can't justify their absurdly inflated price point, but I can understand craving some. These days, since these are majorly overpriced anyway, I've decided I prefer to get snacks less frequently but get something nicer like Zack's Mighty Rolled Tortilla Chips. It feels nicer in the long run. Helps too that I think every Doritos flavor but one is non-vegan.