Technology

It'll be cloud-based rental computing with compulsory AI spyware and tiered pricing that determines what they allow you to do. The base tier will have just a whopping 2GB of RAM and 30GB for all your file storage needs for just $25 per month. If, one month, you can't afford it, no computing for you, and goodbye software and data. The small print will specify that anything you create on Microsoft 365 Cloud Copilot Windows Home Edition for Teams of Peasants and Serfs is Microsoft's property for all eternity to use, share or sell as they see fit, and you waive any right to ever challenge them legally and will accept a $5 Copilot 365 for Teams gift card in compensation should Microsoft's AI incorrectly recommend you for death by ICE. Private messaging will be impossible and Linux or (heaven forbid) non-vibe programming will be punishable by up to 20 years in prison and a fine of millions of dollars.

Innovation is so exciting. It will have cute little animated AI chums tailored to our individual personalities and consumption profiles, reporting our every move to the authorities for our own safety and the safety of the children! I can't wait!